Well, I'm a bit behind here, my internet access being a bit limited of late.

Michigan State Beat Indiana, 42-29, covering the spread with a pair of late field goals. If I thought State would give up this many points I wouldn't have taken this game. At this point I expect our season to fall apart, possibly in the next two weeks, since it now appears we don't have that much of a defense.

I said I suspected Michigan shouldn't be a 6 or 6.5 point dog at home, and they proved me right, beating Wisconsin 27-25, after trailing the Badgers 19-0. If I'd taken that game I would have considered myself extremely lucky, for obvious reasons.

Texas beat Arkansas 52-10, easily covering the 27.5. I was in Austin, but for the Austin City Limits Music Festival, where I saw The Fratellis, CSS, Black Joe Louis & the Honey Bears, John Fogerty, Iron and Wine, and Beck. I think John Fogerty drew the biggest crowd, as Beck's performance conflicted with Robert Plant and Allison Krauss. I liked CSS' show the best, despite never having heard of them until the day before the show. They are a mostly girl punk band from Brazil. My spirit guide continually tortured himself through the last two shows by continually checking on Alabama's thrashing of his beloved Georgia Bulldogs. The Tide rolled to a 31-0 halftime lead before Georgia narrowed the gap in the 2nd half. Georgia ultimately lost, 41-30.

Notre Dame beat Purdue, 38-21, leaving me hope that Pugilant Mick will take leave of his senses and start dreaming of BCS Bowl Games. The Beavers rejection of the Trojans doesn't hurt his hopes that the Irish might get lucky this year either. It hurts ND's strength of schedule, but I'm not sure that they're factoring that in these days. They seem to change the rules every couple of years.

I once read a couple of novels where the main character was like a private detective, only he traveled around to casinos, helping them to catch cheats. I wasn't that impressed by the stories, but I liked the information about casinos, surveillance, cheating, etc.

Anyway, in one of the books the lead had a love interest who was addicted to slots. Eventually he asked her about her past, and found out that the first time she played the slots she won a huge jackpot. This led her to believe that she had some sort of special power that made it inevitable that she would ultimately win more huge jackpots. The lead diagnosed her as a
"slot queen."

Why do I bring this up? Because I won big a couple of years ago when I teased both sides of Michigan-Ohio State with the OVER. Maybe this big win has led to me attempting the same thing later on.... I certainly tried it last week, when I teased both sides of Michigan State-Notre Dame with the OVER, and teased Buffalo with both the over and the under. Naturally, the under came in on MSU-Notre Dame, and Buffalo couldn't even cover the teased spread, so I lost all of these bets, plus I lost my straight OVER bet on the State game. Maybe I'm a double tease hedge queen.

Without teases, I went 0-3 on college last week, and 2-1 in the pros. (I wouldn't have taken Buffalo at all, giving 9) With, I went 2-8 overall. Ouch.

In the Pros, other than the Buffalo double tease, Baltimore covered the 2.5 over Cleveland,
38-10, and the bet I thought I won on the Titans I never made. Looking back, I never wrote about it either. On the up side, I got a push for my ND/OVER bet, because ND pushed with the 16 point spread. I was thinking that I still lost this because the UNDER came in, but the push negates this. I think that leaves me at 1-7-1 last week. Too bad I didn't know sooner. I coulda applied for a job with that Henry Paulson guy, saving the economy. I thought I was overqualified.

I'd like to thank Senator McCain for taking time out from the presidential campaign to help me pick baltimore(+6) over PITTSBURGH. This pick will get me that much closer to bailing out my season. I doubt that the other 98 Senators could have helped me make this pick. I'd also like to thank him for joining Senator Obama and debating Friday, even though I had not yet made this pick. At least somebody has his priorities straight.

Millen is Out!!!!!!!!!/Beavers reject Trojans

Just when I came up with the idea of covering my Lions decal with an upside down Lions decal (like a duress signal, get it?) they finally get rid of Matt Millen. I still figure on doing this by about week 7 if we haven't won a game, but i can't do it this week. I wonder if the current news is related....With taxpayers up in arms about the investment banking bailout, and with talks of a bailout for the big 3, maybe the Ford family felt like they had to throw Lions fans a bone. I don't think it's a coincidence that this firing more or less coincides with President Bush leaving office.

I still don't have time to review my games from last week. Tomorrow I will be attending day 2 of the Austin City Limits Music Festival, all day. Unfortunately, Beck and Robert Plant & Allison Krauss are playing at the same time, so I still haven't decided which of them I will try to see. Meanwhile...

I like OREGON STATE(+25)over southern cal--what? They already played? Never mind.

I want to take Notre Dame at home over Purdue, giving one, but I don't know what to think of either of these teams. Purdue strikes me as somebody ND can beat without resorting to much voodoo though. I could ask Pugilant Mick what he thinks, but after SC losing he is probably in an irrational haze. That and I can't get him to pick up.

MICHIGAN STATE(-8.5) over indiana I'm not sure if State puts up enough points, but now that they have learned to play defense, the chances of a one-sided game are pretty good. Now that Illinois is respectable again, and with N'W always beating State, Indiana is about the only Big 10 team I feel will live down to my expectations.

I'm not convinced Michigan should be a 6.5 dog at home to Wisconsin. On the other hand, maybe they should be. I hope so.

That I'm even considering Texas(-27.5) shows you what I think of Arkansas.

san diego(-8) over OAKLAND I don't like giving this much in a divisional game, but San Diego has finally found it's stride, and Oakland is, well, Oakland.

JACKSONVILLE(-7)over houston I'm not quite ready to believe in Jacksonville, but I do believe in Houston. They suck. In related news, the Lions have a bye.

TENNESSEE(-3) over minnesota I like everyting I'm hearing about the Titans defense, and I like them at home.

Pittsburgh by 6 seems like too much against Baltimore, but I'm not crazy about going against the Steelers at home. There's still time, though.

Wall St, McCain Heat Up

I lost all but two bets this past weekend. If I'd done a little worse I would've applied for a job at the Fed! As a handicapper, I would like to see the government step in and break these guy's thumbs...maybe a Louisville Slugger to the knees would be better--I know there's an ash bat shortage, but maple is good enough for these bastards...these weasels will plead that they NEED their thumbs so they can use their slide rules and abbacuses to make this money back...it's not coming back. This ridiculously huge bailout is NOT restoring my confidence. The very prospect of it is undermining my confidence. A couple of days ago I was planning on making a joke out of this, finishing with, "...that's why I'm voting for John McCain," or "...that's why I'm voting for Barak Obama." But these guys are both for the bailout. The great flushing sound of taxpayers losing 700 billion dollars will happen before the election, but I want to hear more politicians say that they think we shouldn't do it. Newt Gingrich has expressed doubts about the bailout, as well as the rush to do it. I hope he gets some support. I don't know, but the two minutes of Fox News I saw today made it look like they were hyping the move. Both the reporter and the "expert," were blonde and seemed panicked. I don't have a joke--this is just what I saw.

Some Brazilian model that John McCain used to bang was in the news this morning. NPR seemed to be spinning this as an attempt by McCain to woo the Latina vote, which made me wonder if Sarah M. Palin's appeal doesn't extend to voting hispanics. In his memoir McCain also mentioned that he and his shipmates "indulged in the vices sailors are infamous for,"
re-affirming his bi-partizan reputation. Perhaps coincidentially, the Pogues' Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash briefly broke into the Billboard top 100 albums.

When asked if he would endorse the Arizona senator, Kid Rock seemed to answer in the affirmative, saying "Let's just say I ain't goin' out like the Dixie Chicks," and that the "Kid Rock Doctrine" was "Sing Loudly and smoke a big stick." He expressed interest in getting out the vote in Michigan, where medical marijuana is on the ballot. McCain hinted at sympathy for seniors with glaucoma and other ailments, but then seemed to get distracted before he could put his foot further into his mouth.

John McCain was seen at a NASCAR event, and I think I saw him talking to Richard Petty on TV. Now that he's locked up the drift kid set, he's going after those fence sitting NASCAR fans. Now he just needs to get the people like me that leave their blinkers on and forget where they are....or at least remind them what day they have to vote.

I forgot to review my picks last weekend. I guess I got distracted. Amazing how I can lose, but still not be irresponsible enough to need a bailout--or a broken knee.

Louisville Sluggers for Wall Street--a REAL American Solution


t4,3
d7,10
no4,6
nyj2.5,nl
gb2,pick
car5,7
jax6,8
cin2.5,3.5
sd7,nl
b3,8.5
d9,11
p1.5,nl
p4,nl

S'quatch goes South? Paulites go East, Gold goes Up

I read today that Sarah M. Palin is not one of the Pentecostals who is into speaking in tongues, so that's a relief. Meanwhile, my buddy the Bald Sasquatch told me that his gun enthusiast buddies all now intend to vote for Mc Cain not because Sarah likes guns, but because she's hot. So thats a relief too.


Someday I'll know how to photoshop this well...


A couple of trips to Michigan ago the S'quatch explained to me that Ron Paul supporters there generally are "gun nuts," when I noticed the two Paul bumper stickers on his car. He then opened his trunk and proceeded to prove it. He had 3 pistols and 2 rifles, if my memory serves me.

S'quatch isn't just a gun nut, however. In the past he has described himself as a Libertarian, Anarchist, Anarcho-Capitalist, and "Trent Reznor Republican." I'm not sure what this means, but I believe Reznor expressed concerns about unfettered capitalism similar to Teddy Roosevelt's.


Bow down before the
one you serve...



Did John McCain enlist Sarah M. Palin in order to neutralize "Ronstock?" If so, his plan may be succeeding. S'quatch didn't mention whether or not these gun enthusiasts were the same ones who liked Ron Paul, but he sounded disappointed. Perhaps the Ron support is only cleavage deep.

Since I left Michigan S'quatch got laid off at the Pharmacutical Factory he's worked at for the last few years. I only left three weeks ago, so he was clinging to his guns well before he became another statistic in the economy of the Great Lake State. Actually he isn't drawing unemployment yet, so I guess he isn't a statistic...yet.


"I got something you can cling to right here!"
Like his Viking ancestors, S'quatch is considering heading south, in search of better employment opportunities and easy women. I told him he might like it down here in Texas. Here you can tell the gun enthusiasts by their Texas license plates, while Ron Paul bumper stickers show that you favor legalized prostitution.

Easy? How easy?

Maybe that's why people here are so polite. (The guns, I mean.) Traffic here is pretty bad, which is what you get when he economy isn't slowly dying, but most of the time people let you change lanes in front of them when you get confused or lost and find yourself in the wrong lane. They also let you know when you leave your gas cap open, or leave your turn signal on. I suppose John McCain might like it here, but I bet they're nice like that in Arizona too.

The politeness is nice, but it makes me feel bad about wanting to say disparaging things about the Dallas Cowboys to wind their fans up. They have the best team in football right now, but all year they will be thinking about how long it's been since they've won a playoff game. Listening to them talk, you can tell they're waiting for the other shoe to drop, the poor fellas. Maybe that is why I've been offending people on the political and religious fronts more lately. Or maybe it's just an election year.

Speaking of election years, I ran into some Ron Paul supporters in a microbrewery in Washington D.C. last July. They looked like they had just come from hawking T-shirts at a dead show. They wore beards and sandals and Ron t-shirts, and their kids had mohawks, mullets, and skater hairdos. They sort of reminded me of cult members, not because if their appearence, but because they kept repeating certain key words, and phrases. They said "Ron's a great American," and "He's a great patriot," and something about defending the Constitution. I told them Sam Adams was a great Patriot, but Tom Brady was the greatest Patroit of all.

Pee Wee Herman? This explains why Beckham got sleeves...

They sort of freaked me out, partly because of their cultish appearence, and partly because I agreed with most of what they were saying. Sort of like the militia movement in the mid '90's. They'd come all the way from Cleveland to watch Ron Paul give a speech and drop out of the race. Now they were plotting "Ronstock" over quality American beer. Sam Adams would've been proud. Dave and I were pretty buzzed by the time they showed up. We were going to see the Nationals play the Astros, and figured it wouldn't do to watch it sober. It's not 2005 any more, is it? When I mentioned baseball, one of them said he loved Field of Dreams, but didn't like Bull Durham because Crash Davis thought Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.

The women seemed more normal than their husbands, mainly because they didn't talk as much. I was Okay with this. I din't want to ask them something, only to have them respond like those women in the prarie dresses from that polygamous compound in Texas.

Even monogamous Ronstockers are more fun than this...and less wierd

So it took me by surprise when one of them cornered me in the can and offered me a hummer, but only if I paid in silver.

I told her all I had were some Andrew Jackson dollar coins and a copy of Atlas Shrugged.
"I used to be an Ayn Rand Republican," she snarled. I've read The Fountainhead six times, so don't get all high and mighty with me."

I told her I didn't know what she was talking about. "I've never read it. I just keep it in my car so my wife can see over the dash."


"The Objectivist and the Furious"

"You're married?" her eyes got big . "I'll do it for your ring! Or 'shrooms. Can you score some 'shrooms?"

I said the closest I could get was some laughing gas, which I was using to soup up my Hyundai...or one of my other cars. It's hard to keep track when you live life a quarter-mile at a time.

Reading Ayn Rand 1/4 mi at a time...or the Killeen phone book


That's when she really flipped out. "Don't get all high and mighty with me! I should have known from your condecension! You're a Cindy McCain Republican!" I told her that while Cindy was a great patriot, I was more into that Chinese girl in the Fast and the Furious II, and I loved Josie Maran's work in Need for Speed: Most Wanted. Elaborating, I told her I thought Tila Tequila was a flash in the pan, while Tera Patrick had more experience, and would bring people together to do great things. She yawned and left me shaking my wang.


Patrick emphasizes experience, courts the gun lobby/McCain scoffs at video games, flaunts family values, jewels


I'm not sure that there's a point to any of this, but I think John McCain picked Sarah M. Palin because she's a uniter, not a divider. What hope is there for Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac if an Ayn Rand Republican and a Tera Patrick Republican can't conduct a simple business transaction in the Men's room of a D.C. Microbrewery? It almost makes you long for the days of yore where a female member of congress allegedly snorted a rail off of Hunter S. Thompson's wang. I don't know if Hunter would have held off blowing his brains out if Barak Obama had started campaigning a little sooner, and I don't know if Sarah M. Palin could get a rise out of him long enough to do the iditarod on his...rod, but it's nice to think so. They both love their guns....

Freak Power!

RIP, HST

Spartans Ice Irish/Weis Ices Knee with Venti Half-Skinny White Chocolate Mocha Frappucinno

I got crushed yesterday by college football, but for all that, I'm pretty pleased right now. Pugilant Mick warned me by phone to stay away from Michigan State-Notre Dame yesterday, but he meant the line, while I took the OVER.

The OVER was 49 when I took it, and then, when teasing the o/u became available, I teased MSU and the over, and ND and the over. This brought the over down to 42, and meant that I could win both ends as long as State won by between 3 and 15. As it turned out, they won by 16, 23-7. The 16 points was irrelevant, since the UNDER won handily. As the game wound down, I knew there would be no sudden flurry of touchdowns, but I considered the longshot possibilities:

ND scores, 23-14...onside kick, ND scores again, 23-21. 44 points makes an over, but now State wins by 2, making the teased moneyline on State a push, whule my ND bet wins.

ND scores, 23-14, MSU gets a big kickoff return, or maybe an interception returned for a score, 30-14. Again, 44 points makes the teased over come in, but now State covers one bet, while the ND bet becomes a push....wierd.

A botched extra point could help me win on both ends, if the score ended up 23-20, or 29-14. How freakish would that be?

I wasn't really hoping for any of these scenarios (well, maybe the 29-14 one, a little). Anyone who remembers Notre Dame's comeback against State two years ago knows why. They also probably have a pretty good idea why I liked the OVER. Anyone confused about this point may want to think back to the overtime thriller State won at South Bend the year before. Without consulting the recordbooks, I think the two sides scored about 190 points in those two games.

Nope, 184. I was going to say 180, but I thought one game got into the high 40's.

It's still too soon to be sure, but Michigan State may have learned how to play defense again. I say too soon, because while Notre Dame looks pretty talented at the skill positions, these kids are all freshmen and sophomores, and because their shutout last week was in crummy weather. It was also over Florida Atlantic.

On the other hand, I think Mark Dantonio is building a tremendous program. The entire team stood on the sidelines for much of the game, and Javon Ringer abruptly cut off his camera time for the team prayer, quickly telling the reporter that the team always does this after games. Dantonio has created team unity that is wonderful to behold, and I think his players would follow him to the gates of hell....The same ones Notre Dame opens with their voodoo rituals? Perhaps.

I'm speculating whether Charlie Weises knee injury was payment for six Wolverine turnovers. As I've previously discussed, voodoo doesn't work against Michigan, because it is too hard to dress the doll up like a Wolverine....(Actually, it's not that hard, but the voodoo spirits generally see through these clever ruses. They are cunning, if not particularly bright.) Maybe Chubby Chuckie figured it was easier to hock a limb at Satan's pawnshop rather than mess around with traditional methods. Since the voodoo spirits like to deal in karmic payoffs, Weises knee rates as fantastic turnaround, unless it was blowback from a season or two ago. (Last season rates as blowback from firing Troy Willingham, which is why I'm saying this is coming from two years back. If anything the voodoo spirits should have given Notre Dame a refund for last year.

Meanwhile, the Wolverines are struggling in Ann Arbor, where their coach is a confirmed lying scumbag, sort of like ex-Michigan State coach Nick Saban. Saban's 'Bama trounced the Hogs yesterday, 49-14, showing that teams coached by lying scumbags can win, especially when they are playing each other, as Arkansas is coached by Rick Pitino.

I need to thank Greg Easterbrook's TMQ column for pointing out the "progress" of these 3 programs....Meanwhile, I'd like to point out that while Michigan hasn't beat Ohio State since...2003, their coach lacks credibility, etc, etc, Michigan State is being coached by a man who appears to be brimming with integrity, the Spartans have learned to tackle again, and Javon Ringer has 11 TD's and about 700 yards rushing in 4 games. Michigan will remain able to recruit, but if Ringer can generate some Heisman hype Michigan State Green is going to look like a pretty good alternative to Gaize in Blue...I mean, Maize and Blue.

Even with rather underwhelming performances from Ohio State, I still think they and Wisconsin are the favorites to go to whatever is substituting for the Rose Bowl this year, and I still think Michigan will be much better by the time they play Michigan State, but if the ball bounces right things could be looking up for the Spartans.

Speaking of Ohio State, they scored some late points to beat Troy, 28-10, at least approaching the number 21. If their freshman quarterback gets it together the Buckeyes could be pretty good by the end of the season, but I think I'm done betting on them for now. When was the last time they covered? My internet connection is cut off, so I can't check right now, despite buying one of these damn Starbucks cards to get AT&T wifi. The card cost me $5 and part of my soul. I may have to do an exorcism on my laptop...and my wallet. Right now the additional $3.99 I paid to get 2 hours of internet from AT&T since the card failed hurts more than the six sports bets I've lost this weekend.

Speaking of which, Iowa lost at Pitt, 21-2o, which would be fine if I'd got the late Pitt by 1.5 spread, but I took Iowa when they were a pick. Only being able to get to the internet part of the time is hurting my bottom line.

The sixth bet was this morning, when Chelsea rallied to tie Manchester United, 1-1. I needed Chelsea to win. This loss feels pretty good, since Chelsea trailed until the 80th minute, and now their home unbeaten streak is still intact. If Chelsea'd had the lead, then blew it, this would be even more crushing than going 0-5 on the NCAA.

I meant to be out of this Latte Purgatory before noon, or 1:00 EST, when the pro games start. Now my twin desires to save this piece and follow pro football have led me to pay for another 2 hours. See what I mean about an exorcism? Now that Starbucks and AT&T have flawlessly executed a bait-and-switch, I need to make sure they haven't pulled some sort of debit card/credit card bait and switch as well. Starbucks knew what they were doing when they decided to offer internet, it being a somewhere between caffiene and methanphetamine on the addictiveness top ten. Speaking of meth, as long as Starbucks doesn't offer a
Skinny Vanilla Latte + Protein + Meth*, I suppose I can call a meth dealer on an AT&T phone. (No cell phones--in fact, are any phones safe in the age of the Patriot Act?) Maybe I should call my gamblers anonymous sponsor instead.

Oh wait, I don't have a Gamblers Anonymous sponsor. I guess I'll call Pugilant Mick. It's 10 on the West Coast, so he might be up.

Mick was surprisingly rational yesterday before and during THE game.. Even his prediction of a BCS bid for Notre Dame was well thought out, couched in "ifs," as in, IF Notre Dame goes 11-1, as in IF they lose to only USC, or IF they lose to Michigan State or Purdue, but upset USC, they will get a BCS game. All this sort of ignored Stanford, but then one of us reminded the other that Stanford is probably better than any of ND's Big Ten schedule this year, so the season could always end with the Irish getting beaten with a switch picked from Stanford's Pine Tree mascot. Maybe they can make the doll look like Pinnochio.

During the last paragraph a barista gave me a shot of some sort of Breakfast Morning Blend, or Morning Breakfast Blend, or something, and proceeded to explain to me that the "Morning" part was because this coffee would be complimented by having it with a bagel. I knew I was supposed to have red wine with steak, and cheap beer and Louisiana Hot Sauce with crawdads, but I wasn't prepared for this sort of shrewd marketing.

I haven't gotten a bagel yet, but the thought is now lodged in my head like rapidly cooling shrapnel. I may need a lobotomy instead of an exorecism.

I've noticed that employees here get in line and order something before they start their shift. I'm not sure if this is some kind of Three Card Monte shill move, or if this is some kind of thing like being in Amway. Now I feel bad. I compared Latter-Day Saints to Amway yesterday, when I should have compared Starbucks to Amway, and said Mitt Romney reminds me of a salesman at a Saturn dealership. Meanwhile, the Amish who died in a buggy accident remind me of Sarah Palin, except they don't believe in guns. Or helicopters.

They also remind me of Richard Nixon, only he foreswore pacifism when he joined the Navy, sort of like SGT York did when he joined the Army, and sort of like Barak Obama foreswore bowing towards Mecca when he became a community organizer in Chicago, and foreswore Reverand Wright a few months ago.

I'm not saying I'm not scared of Barak Obama because he's a Muslim, because I'm not. I'm scared of Barak because he's a liberal. Hillary forswore liberalism six or eight years ago, maybe sooner. That, along with her willingness to do shots, and her hunting deer as a child in rural Pennsylvania, is why Appalachians aren't scared of her. Not to mention the fact that no matter how you cut it, "Community Organizer in Chicago" is code for "Blacks getting organized." In fact, it's not even code....Unless you're Mayor Daley or somebody. Then it's code for voter fraud. Wasn't President Bushes brother a community organizer in Florida?

The Rodham campaign figured out that the best way to exploit the fear of blacks getting organized was to pose as somebody from the hill country with a gun. Once Mc Cain figured this out his choice was clear, especially on the eve of hurricaine season. Sarah Palin is not posing as somebody from the hill country with a gun, any more than young Levi is posing as a redneck. I don't know if he likes pork rinds, but if he says he does, I believe him.

Unfortunately, President Bush dampened the effect of the Anti-looting vote by improving hurricaine relief efforts.


*They have Skinny Vanilla Latte, and they have Vanilla Latte + Protein. Ergo, you can have a Skinny Vanilla Latte + Protein. They do not have Skinny Vanilla Latte + Protein + Meth. Yet. Too bad, because it would make you skinny.

Don't tease Me, Bodog!

I'm going to try to do my pro picks first, then pop back up and do my college picks on top of them. The challenge will be remembering to do this, or cutting and pasting after I forget.

iowa(pick) over PITT Iowa at Pitt is a pick? Really? Pitt beat Buffalo, and lost to Bowling Green. I know the Big Ten sucks right now, but didn't Wisconsin beating Fresno State by 3 mean anything? Iowa may be no Wisconsin, but Pitt is no Fresno State either. Savy? Iowa's record ATS on the road SUCKS, but this isn't exactly a spread, is it?

I'm tempted by Ohio State(-21) vs Troy. The Bucks get to bounce back against the Trojans. These guys win alot (Troy) which has me convinced they are not Dvision I. If the Buckeyes don't make a statement now, when?

Remember how I said the O/U for MSU-ND should be about 54? It's 49. Since I said I would jump on 49.5 or less, here we go....(On the other hand, what was the score last year?
MSU, 38-0?)

Bodog isn't letting me tease ND/OVER and MSU/OVER, so I'm just taking the OVER right now. I may check this closer to game time. They're probably disallowing teases here because everyone is doing one of the bets I mentioned, and they could get killed. When I check later the over will probably be 52, but I'll probably still do it, if I can.

Having checked the college lines, the O/U is red boxed for all of them, so my theory may be a little off. If you are confused about my desired teases here, see my Buffalo-Oakland picks below, which I made a couple of hours ago, like I said I would.

I just took OHIO STATE(-21) over troy. Hope Troy isn't this year's Ap State....


I'm teasing Buffalo and the over, and Buffalo and the under. I really like the Bills at home against the Raiders, but I don't like giving 9.5 with a team that doesn't seem to score that much. I mean, the over/under for this game is 36.5. This works out to a 23-13.5 victory for the Bills, which seems quite reasonable, (other than the 13.5), but I just don't see the Bills scoring more than twenty-six or seven, which doesn't leave much room for error.

I pulled this maneuver off with the Michigan-Ohio State game when they were ranked 1 and 2, two years ago, except I bet on both teams, and the over. I don't even remember the final score, but it went way over, and both teams covered for me. I think OSU was up by 11, and then Michigan cut it to four for the final. With my 13 or 14 point range, I was winning both bets before and after the final TD. Who else can make THAT claim?

Well, my hubris probably just jinxed these picks, or maybe the rest of my season, but what the heck. That game may have been the highlight of my handicapping career. I can probably include my future handicapping career too.

Anyway, I really want Buffalo(-2.5), so I'm teasing this one 7 points, which requires a 13/10 vig. Ouch. That gives me BUFFALO(-2.5) over oakland/UNDER 43.5, and
BUFFALO(-2.5) over oakland OVER 29.5. I guess I gave the under first because I'm expecting the score to be low. If I win just one of these I lose 30% of a unit. If Darren
Mc Fadden decides to reveal that he is this year's Adrian Peterson, I could lose 260% of a unit. Ick.

I'm tempted to tease Tennessee too, but teases are a bad deal, so I'll probably give 4.5. Bill Simmons has Tennessee (-5), so apparently money is coming in on the Texans. While taking the Panthers over the Saints backfired on me 3 years ago, (too bad, because I probably would have kept betting against the Saints the rest of the year if I'd got that one, and I would have cleaned up.

MEMORIAL ALERT--SORRY GUYS

Bill Simmons finished his column with a shout out to David Foster Wallace, who apparently hung himself a couple of days ago. He muted his tribute by calling him DFW, and if I had more than two readers I might refrain from mentioning this author's suicide, which is the most significant one since Hunter S. Thompson, which was the most significant one since Hemmingway. I was already considering reading some Wallace before he did the deed, and I was nearly certain to do so after the event. I consider this an endorsement from Simmons, who hasn't steered me wrong with The Wire or Mad Men. Consider me 120% likely to read him now.

I really feel behind the curve here, kind of like how I didn't get into Punk Rock until 2000. On the other hand, I got into ska about five years before Reel Big Fish and No Doubt pushed it into the mainstream....similarly, I'd read virtually everything Hunter Thompson ever wrote long before his despair overcame him. And I smoked cigars before they became trendy, though I didn't really care for them. I was hip enough in the late '90's to practically be a leading indicator.

THE MEMORIAL THREATCON HAS RETURNED TO GREEN

The Seahawks are favored by ten against the Rams, in a clash of two awful teams. How awful? Would the Romo-Simpson coupling receive more ink on the sports pages than the Hasselbecks right now if the Seahawks were good? Elizabeth Hasselbeck is probably a bigger star than Matt right now, if only among soccer moms and political junkies. I'm trying to figure out if she ends up a talk-radio star, or in the East River. She may be cute, but she needs to remember that that is why she's on the show, since Barb and the other slags are legitimately famous, but not hot, legitimately or otherwise. The cute ones are EXPENDABLE. On the other hand, if not for her comments about the competing First Ladies-in-tow, I wouldn't know who she was, so her big mouth could turn out to have heaved the biggest hail-Mary of the election season.

(Ooops! Just Wikipedia'ed Liz H. Turns out she's married to Matt's little brother Tim, who has been on every NFL East team except the Cowboys, if the Eagles practice squad counts. That expalains alot. Meanwhile, Liz has been offered a job on Fox News, so I wasn't too far off on the talk-radio prediction. Fox News is the picture-book version of talk radio. Take that,
Bill O'Reilly! Not that there's anything wrong with picture books. Or comics. Loved the new Batman....

I hate to do it because of my solidarity with Cleveland Browns fans, but I really like the Ravens at home. How many passes did Braylon Edwards drop last week? The Browns could bounce back, but I'd like their chances more on the shores of Lake Erie than by the inner harbor.
BALTIMORE(-2.5) over cleveland. The vig indicates $$ are coming in on the Browns, but this is probably digruntled money, betting against the former Browns.

I like nyJets(+9) over SAN DIEGO. I know the Chargers will be fired up, but do they really deserve to be a nine point favorite? I'm not giving up on tghe Brett-Jets, especially since I expected last week's Pats victory. I didn't bet it because I would have had to give one instead of getting 2.5, which would reek of indiscipline, even if I shared the bettors' conviction the linesmakers fucked up.

I really want to jump on the Giants' train, because I can totally see these blowouts continuing, but I think I might wait for their spreads to keep growing, then go against them, which was a winning strategy with the Pats for about 9 or 10 weeks last year.

Speaking of which, I should probably think about the Pats giving 13 hosting the 'Fins. The Cards did it, right? (In Miami, at that)....

NFL bails me out, Can Ronaldo bail out United?

The NFL saved my weekend, as I went 2-0-1 there, bringing me to 4-3-1 overall. The Lions were scrappy enough to give Green Bay problems, but not good enough to keep it together, losing 48-25. The teams combined for 40 points in the 4th quarter, Detroit scoring the first 16, before the Pack rallied to double their score in the last six minutes. Aaron Rodgers looks pretty good...against the Lions anyway.

In a game I didn't pick, the Giants trounced the Rams, 41-13. I wasn't convinced the Giants deserved to be favored by nine on the road...on the other hand this was the Rams, and the Giants never lose on the road. I suppose it made as much sense as giving seven or so with the Cardinals against the 'Fins, though since Arizona won that one, 31-10, I'm not apologizing for it either.

The Chargers lost a heartbreaker in Denver, as they roared back from a 31-17 deficit to lead
38-31, before the Broncos came back to win 39-38. Heartbreaking for them, but I'm happy with a push, since I was behind by 13 at the half. The way my weekend started out, I really don't feel like I should be up, so why get greedy? If Denver doesn't go for two, they might win by 3 in OT, and that wouldn't help my cause, any. I still think San Diego can win this division, especially if Denver's defense doesn't improve, but they still feel like a team that will choke in the playoffs, as wide-open as the AFC may be.

WARNING: SOCCER FOLLOWS...SOCCER THREATCON RED

Manchester United is off to a slow start, and their sponsor, AIG, has just been bailed out by the Federal Reserve. Is a new sponsor in Man U's future? Judging by the example of Newcastle United, and their sponsor Northern Rock, who was nationalized almost exactly a year ago, no. Apparently Northern Rock's risk was underwritten by Lehman Brothers starting in 2006. Not sure how significant Northern Rock's failure was in Lehman Bros going under. You'd think the British government would be covering them, so I'm guessing Lehman was handling a bunch more risk as well. If Northern Rock can keep sponsoring NU, I suppose AIG can keep sponsoring Man U, though I see the AIG on United's chest as a badge of shame. At least NR is a local brand, much like Newcastle Brown Ale. Manchester United is the sort of global powerhouse that could get any sponsor. On the other hand, maybe they could charge AIG/the Fed through the nose for the advertising space. United could be Johnnie Cochrane to AIG's O.J. Simpson. I'm trying to think of a better metaphor, but I don't want to tone down the harshness.

I've complained in the past about Chelsea being sponsored by SAMSUNGmobile, since in Korea everyone thinks you are just wearing a SAMSUNG shirt, despite the fact that Korea is football mad. (I guess it shows that Chelsea isn't quite a world brand, though they seem to be on the verge. It's tough to argue that Chelsea isn't one of the top two teams in the world right now. I think they have been for at least two years, but when AC Milan, Barca, and Liverpool keep winning the Champions League it muddies the waters a bit.) At least Samsung isn't going out of business. If they are, expect to see some Koreans jumping out of windows.

On the other hand, Anheuiser Busch just got bought by the Belgians. This can't help George Busch's popularity any, not to mention distributorship heiress John McCain....

Manchester United should go with a proven winner, like Stella Artois, or Heinz. Heinz may not have been able to get ketchup heiress John Kerry elected, but their logo would look great on
Man U's red shirts....

Or Liverpool's, but Carlsberg isn't going anywhere....

Or Arsenal's but if any airline can handle high oil prices, I'd bet on Emirates--or Southwest.

I know the last time Chelsea lost at Stamford Bridge was four coaches ago, but I'll go out on a very short limb and predict a Chelsea victory (not just a draw) vs the staggering Manchester United Red Devils this weekend. Bodog is giving me 10-8.7 odds on this, which works out to about a reverse vig.

Speaking of John Kerry, marrying an heiress, blowing her billions on political campaigns, only to pick a lightweight veep with nice hair didn't work for him, so...

At least John Edwards waited four years to air his families' dirty laundry. Sarah M. Pailin* waited about four hours, or four days, depending on whether we are talking about her knocked-up daughter and her self-proclaimed redneck baby-daddy, or the thing with her brother-in-law.

It's too bad her husband's Alaska Independance party wasn't more successful. Then Sarah Baraccuda could have cited shaking down Washington for earmarks as foreign policy experience. Alaska could be a banana republic, only without the bananas.

For those of you on the religious right who didn't like Mitt Romney because he was LDS, go spend some time with some Mormons, and then spend some time with some Pentecostals, and see who you want running the country. Mormans may come on like an unholy union of Trekkies and Amway, but they are consistently responsible, organized, and generally pleasant. Really, this is just a nice way of saying they don't scare the crap out of me. I mean, they scare me, but they don't make me feel like somebody slipped me an Ex-Lax mickey in my Mocha.

SOCCER THREATCON IS NOW GREEN--

Did I say LDSers are responsible, organised, and generally pleasant? You could say the same thing about Catholics, except when the Notre Dame faithful inflict voodoo style torture on the Sparty doll before the Michigan State game, that is! Top that segue, you Palin-hating vipers!** Will the Irish bust out the voodoo? They are 2-0, so they have something worth compromising their karma for.

I said last week I expected MSU to be favored by...7-10 if my memory serves me, unless ND handled Michigan. Did I say by at least two scores? I can't remember. Anyway, MSU is favored by nine despite the Irish beating Michigan by 18. Apparently the linesmakers are factoring in Michigan's six turnovers. Money is coming in on the Irish, enough to move the vig, but not the points.

I don't know about the linesmakers, but State hasn't impressed me. Why?

They beat Florida Atlantic. Wow.

They didn't cover. Shame on me for giving 18.5.

Right now Notre Dame scares the crap out of me, without even speaking in tongues or anything like that. They believe in themselves right now, and while I'm not convinced they are any good, I'm not convinced State is either. State could win by 30 or lose by 21, and it wouldn't surprise me much. Is that how they got State by nine (30 minus 21)? No. The average of those is State by 4.5. I just may take the over, if they ever put it out...I'm guessing it will be about 54, however. I'd say between 50 and 56...if it's 49.5 I may jump on it. Does anyone think State has a defense this year? I'm not convinced.

I'm not saying that BYU is above using voodoo, but apparently they didn't need to against UCLA. 55-0? Really? Is UCLA that bad? Are they sandbagging, so they can lose to USC later by 27 and still cover? Remember when UCLA was good? I'm not talking about John Wooden hoops, I'm talking about several Bruin teams that won Rose Bowls. I'm not old enough to remember the Wooden era, and I expect to take a bath if and when I ever start wagering on college hoops.

Anyway, enough on Michigan State-Notre Dame, since I'm not willing to bet on it. I'll come back with some picks in my next installment, even though I haven't found any yet.


*How do you copyright a name? I need to copyright "Sarah Impalin'" before somebody else figures out the name of the next great porn star...also Impaling Sara, and whatever other various spellings I can come up with. I should have copywrote "Weapons of Ass Destruction" before that crap movie was made. I could be collecting royalties right now. I could have Teagen Pressley on my Facebook page, or vice versa....Am I the only one who thinks our next vice president would be perfect for an episode of "My First Sex Teacher"? No? I figure he could be the Dean at the University of Delaware, or maybe catch some coed plaguerizing and teach her a lesson.

**The media, I mean.

Countdown to Detroit 0-2 Continues

I've already taken green bay(-3) over DETROIT, just in time to hear Dave & Cousin Sal both take the Lions, since they think gb(-3) is the fishy line for the week, where Vegas will clean up against the people picking the pack. Whoa, tongue twister! Do I feel like a traitor? No. These guys are Steeler and Cowboy fans, and do not truly understand the things that go through the heads of fans of truly miserable teams.

Not that I seek pity. It would be much more painful to be a fan of one of these teams. Especially these, since they have a history of teasing their fans and contending.* Heck, if the Lions lose tomorrow, I'm free to root for whomerver else I please. It's like being a widow, except Matt Millen is still alive. It's barely even a week since I stuck a Lions decal on my Chrysler, jinxing their season. The glue wasn't dry when I found out the Lions had been taking a beating for about 3 quarters. Folk down here cover their vehicles with decals, mostly Longhorns, Cowboys, and various Texas stickers, along with the rash of yellow ribbons you see everywhere else. If a Michigan plate on a rusty old Chrysler symbolizes futility, the Lions decal shows my embrace of that futility. Sort of like a McCain-Pailin sticker. No, that would be more like a sticker reading "Give Matt Millen a Raise."

Where was I? Right. Following the Tigers the last couple of years has been far more frustrating than following the Lions. The Tigers reek of opportunities lost. The Lions just reek.

Speaking of reeking...Cal started me off on the wrong foot yesterday. They trailed Maryland 21-6, before roaring back to lose 35-27. Even with the tease bringing the line down to Cal by nine, this wasn't close.

That result invalidated the other half of my tease, where Georgia held on to beat South Carolina 14-7, justifying my tease, as Georgia covered the two, but not the eight.

Meanwhile, Michigan State justified my wish to tease them, winning 17-0, and failing to cover the 18.5 point spread. I should have walked away, or took them when the line was 17. Apparently Michigan State was at home. Not sure how I confused that, but I need to keep it from happening again.

Michigan and Notre Dame showed us how to not play defense. Michigan also showed us how to turn the ball over six times, losing 35-17, bringing me to 0-3 on the afternoon. I forgot to mention the Lou Holtz statue in the pregame...I was aware of the dedication, but dismissed it as inconsequential, since Bo Schembechler's death before the Michigan Ohio State game did not inspire the Wolverines to win that. Apparently a speech from a live coach is more inspirational than a timely death. Or maybe inspiration counts for more when mediocre teams play each other--the good teams are already inspired.

Oklahoma hammered Washington, 55-14, covering the 21 point spread handily. Wisconsin held on to beat Fresno State 13-10, just covering the two points. The late games brought me back to 2-3 on the day.

The game I let the hype talk me out of came through, as USC handled Ohio State 35-3, covering the 11.5 to 12.5 points. I did, however, enjoy briefly rooting for Ohio State before they fell apart, something that would have been tainted had I bet on USC, much like my enjoyment of Michigan's loss was tainted by my bet on them.

Is Notre Dame back? Maybe back enough to trouble Michigan State, since we aren't that good. I talked to Pugilant Mick yesterday, and he'd already given up on them. Rooting against Notre Dame will be alot more fun if this win against Michigan revives his interest. I don't know if he'll be able to delude himself into thinking they have a shot against SC...the cupcakes coming up should help. I think State and Purdue are their toughest opponents until the Trojans, and there is an excellent chance that neither of them are for real.

In the pros, in addition to my packers(-3) pick, I'm taking ARIZONA(-7) over miami. I don't like to rely on the Cardinals for ANYTHING, but I'm still counting on the Fish sucking. I wonder if Chad Pennington will make me regret this. You don't have to be very good to deserve less than seven against the Cards.

Money has poured in on the Patriots. The Jets were favored by 2.5, and now are a point dog to the Pats. I was going to take the Pats, but I'm going to stay away from this one, now that I've lost 3.5 points.

I was going to take Baltimore (+4.5) at Houston, but hurricane Ike has caused the game to be postponed to Monday, which apparently prevents me from betting on it.

I don't like betting against the Broncos at home, but since San Diego won there 41-3 last year, I feel a little better about san diego(+1) over DENVER. Jay Cutler is getting better, and Shawne Merriman is out, but I like San Diego in what is getting called a must win. I suspect they could still catch Denver even if they got two behind, but the Chargers ought to be motivated this week.

*Aside from those years when they actually win it all, of course.

Cockfights and Road Favorites

After going 1-1 in college games last weekend, I also went 1-1 in the pros, as the Jets came through, 20-14 over Miami, while the Lions did not, losing 34-21 to Atlanta. Is bargaining one of the stages of denial? Yesterday I was thinking that while Bill Parcells is probably washed up, the Lions, much like the Dolphins, would be happy to have him, even though he would assuredly re-re-re-retire right when the Lions were on the cusp of...something. Respectability? The playoffs?

Lets not get carried away.

Then I realized that in Detroit's case, much of the appeal of Parcells would be getting rid of Matt Millen. Heck, I'd probably go for one of the Olsen twins GM-ing the Lions to get rid of Millen. Both? Fine, both.

In a similar vein, I'd probably go for the Lions getting trounced by awful teams with rookie quarterbacks if it led to a Millen-less Detroit. Is Oakland on the schedule? I think we played them a year or two ago, so probably not.

Alot of NFL teams' performances can be compared to a sine wave. Week to week performances change like little waves, and seasonal performances change the same way. Currently the New Orleans Saints wave fluctuates between playoff contender and 3rd place in the NFC South. This wave probably describes three of the four teams in the NFC South. The other flutters between having a quarterback under investigation for dog fighting, and having a quarterback doing time for dog fighting. Just kidding. While Boston College students often have a penchant for illegal gambling, there is no reason to think Matt Ryan needs a dogfighting fix every couple of weeks.

On a related note, Heisman Trophy quarterback Tim Tebow was born in the Philippines, where cockfighting is legal. Wouldn't it be awesome if it turned out that Tebow owned chicken farms in Mindanao, where he personally oversees the breeding of champion roosters? I think this already happened with some Dominican MLB player (betting, not breeding), but the media would totally go after Tebow, since he is such an all-american kid. Similarly, I imagine the media would make a bigger deal of it if he was engaged to Kim Kardashian (as opposed to Heisman Trophy winner Reggie Bush). Or would they? Wasn't Matt Leinert doing Paris Hilton a couple of years ago?

Interestingly enough, while cockfighting is legal in the Philippines, it is glamourized there in TV ads that make it look illegal. The commercials always show old, important looking men standing in shadowy rooms, smiling and petting the roosters they cradle in their arms. While these ads didn't make much sense to me, I'm pretty sure I got the message, even though I couldn't understand a word. Did these ads make me want to go see a cockfight? Yeah, or at least watch it on TV, though I think then you lose much of the mob mentality and bloodlust that are probably 80% of the appeal of these events. Televised or not, cockfights take place on Sunday afternoons. Aficionados go directly to the fights after Mass, or skip Mass to give their birds pep-talks.

I could go on about cockfights, and probably will at some point (my mother-in-law loves them), but I was making a point about NFL teams and sine waves.

The Lions sine wave fluctuates between seasons where they tease us by winning games for half the season, and seasons where they let the cat out of the bag a bit sooner.

Getting trounced by the Falcons in week one? Sooner as you can get. Matt Ryan's team gets 34 points in his first start? That's about as soon as it gets. For all the naysayers, I could see Matt Ryan getting Rookie of the Year honors if the Falcons go 7-9 and he throws six or eight more TDs than INTs this year. When was the last time a QB won rookie of the year?

Oops. Two quarterbacks won it in the last four years. Vince Young and Ben Roethlisberger. On the other hand, only one other quarterback has ever won it, Dennis Shaw in 1970. Who?

This is not me trying to find reasons not to give up on the Lions for another season. The only place I'm looking for reasons is in the win column....

If you think this is a buildup to me justifying betting against the Lions, you must be one of my two readers. Most of the above is essentially me wrestling with my shrivled conscience. I'd say I won by a knockout, but I hate to mix metaphors.

I also hate to do things out of order, but why wait? packers(-3) over LIONS. I hate these divisional games, because they are always tougher and closer than they should be, but...not always. Prove me wrong Lions. And while you're granting wishes, fire Matt Millen. I should get a Matt Millen voodoo doll.

Speaking of voodoo dolls, Notre Dame plays Michigan in a couple of hours. As I've discussed previously, voodoo doesn't work against Michigan, because you cant dress up a man shaped doll like a Wolverine. (You can, but it doesn't work.) It makes me wonder if they would substitute a teddy bear, or maybe Jimmy Clausen's pet ferret. (Come on Jimmy, take one for the team! We'll get you another marginally tamed rodent....)

Notre Dame may not even need voodoo to beat Michigan this year. So far they haven't shown themselves to be any good. On the other hand, neither has Notre Dame. I usually hope ND wins so they have a better chance of getting blindsided by Michigan State, but right now I fully expect to beat them either way. At this point I think we might be better than Michigan too, but I expect Michigan will be rolling by that time. I don't think State will be favored against Michigan. On the other hand, barring an upset victory my the Irish, I expect to be favored by seven to ten next week, so...michigan (-2.5) over NOTREDAME.

With Ohio State's season in jeopardy, there is a chance Wisconsin will emerge as the team to beat in the Big 10+1. wisconsin (-2)over FRESNOSTATE. I imagine Fresno is better than San Diego State, but still... I'll take the Badgers for less than a FG.

Ouch. I've turned on the pre-game hype, and Fresno State may be the best non-BCS team in the country. Them or East Carolina. So much for "research." Well, the die is cast. I bet on that game a couple of days ago.

I'm teasing Cal-Maryland and Georgia-South Carolina. Six off the spreads gives me
cal(-9) over MARYLAND and georgia(-2) over SOUTHCAROLINA. I know Georgia has had trouble on the road vs the Gamecocks, but they weren't #2 in the polls before either. Not quite sure how they can be a smaller favorite than the other SC is vs Ohio State tonight. This tells me the oddsmakers don't believe in OSU or Georgia. Or they just really like the SEC.

Part of the reason I teased the above games is because bodog has red boxed
michiganstate(-18.5) over FLORIDA ATLANTIC. I'm taking my old school, and so is everybody else. This line was 17 an hour or so ago, and I think it was 17 earlier in the week. I'd lay 5-1 that Michigan State's team has watched 300 before several big games since the movie came out. I'd put the over/under at 4.5. I'd probably put it higher, but I'm not sure if they've had many more big games than that since it came out. On the other hand, my freshman year the team went 6-4-1, but after starting out 0-4-1 we were so happy to finally win a game that we tore down the goal posts, then tore them down every home win that season. We tore down the posts four times. There is a chance they watch 300 before every game.

If the Spartans watch 300 before big games, do the Wolverines watch X-Men?

The heads on TV seem to think Oklahoma is the 2nd best team in the nation. I personally already thought OK vs WA was a huge mismatch, and the heads think Okla can pick their score. So...oklahoma (-21) over WASHINGTON.

I've taken seven road favorites. I could get killed, especially since Cal now trails the Terps 21-6, about three minutes before the half, immediately killing my tease.

Michigan State is up, but only 7-0 in the 3rd quarter. Ick. There's still time though.

NFL Season Kickoff

The Longhorns came through for me yesterday, beating UTEP 42-13, eclipsing the spread by a whopping two points. Unfortunately, Northwestern beat Duke only 24-20, missing the number by two. Or was it 2.5? I've forgotten, and since bodog has already pulled the old lines (they did it sometime this morning) I can't go there to check. On the other hand, they already have next week's schedule up, even though the lines don't hit until Tuesday or so. Meanwhile, apparantly everybody is tring to tease the Cowboys and the over, or perhaps the Cowboys and the Eagles, because bodog has put a red box around that game. Red boxes mean you can't tease those games. Check www.bodoglife.com to see what I mean. Over and over, bodog has proven to have tiny balls for a gambling site.

So, I'm 1-1 for the weekend college games. In other games I took interest in, but neglected to bet on, Notre Dame failed to cover the 22 1/2, winning 21-13, and Georgia beat Central Michigan, and the 24 1/2 point spread, 56-17. Oklahoma beat Cincinnati 52-26, but I'm not sure if this covers or not.

The one game I regret not checking out is Cal over Washington State, 66-3. I was hearing a fair amount of buzz about the Golden Bears, and I knew the beat Michigan State last week (wow). They also won me some $$ a couple of years ago, which I appreciate. I guess their cover is blown now.

On to the NFL. By the kickoff I may be sick of it, since I turned on ESPN at about 8:00 this morning, as I did yesterday. The pros shouldn't wear me out as much though, since there aren't as many teams to keep track of.

I like the nyjets(-3) over MIAMI. I like Bill Simmons' point that Chad Pennington knows the whole Jet team and will pick them apart, but I'm not convinced. I've also listened to alot of hype this morning about how the Jets receivers aren't used to catching hard throws, and how Brett Favre will try to do too much, but I don't buy it. Not against the mighty Dolphins anyway.

Which Lions will show up? The ones who started last season 6-2, or the team that lost 7 of their last 8? As long as the Falcon team I'm expecting shows up, I don't care. I hate taking the Lions on the road, but the Georgia Dome is a dome, last I checked, so that should help, though this is probably too early in the season to count out the home crowd. detroit(-3) over ATLANTA

I really want to take the Vikes over the Pack on Monday night, but I still think the Packers will probably be decent, even though karma just may be rooting against them all season. I think the people rooting for the Purple may still be penciling in Brett Favre into the lineup subconsciously even though he is now a Jet. I think I am. Oh well.

Back in the Saddle

I called bodog this morning to see what I had to do to deposit $$ into my account, and discovered that I could do it over the phone. So I did. Just in time for college football. Week 2 anyway. At least I'm in time for the NFL season. Except for the opener, where the Giants beat the Redskins, 16-7, covering the 4 point spread. I wasn't going to bet that game, since I considered 4 a reasonable spread between divisional rivals, but my pick was the Giants. Yay.



I like how ESPN's power ratings have the Giants 8th in the NFL, while they vehemently argued that the Giants should be considered the best NFL team after their upset victory over the Patriots. Are ESPN flip-floppers? Have they compromised their credibility by generating fake news with phony debates? I don't mind listening to Joe Theisman's goofy opinions, as long as they're actually HIS opinions.....I don't mind Mark Schlereth(sp?) picking the Chargers over and over, as long as he means it....I wish I could remember who was hyping the Giants, but the way I remember it, everybody was sort of agreeing that they deserved to be considered the best team. How do these same people vote the Giants 8th? Would we accept this from Obama or McCain? Okay, bad example.



Ohio State v Ohio just started....I almost took OSU and gave 34, just because I'm appalled that this game is televised, and I figure I shouldn't be subjected to it without $$ riding on the outcome. More like Tylenol than a bet....



Ohio State is up 3-0 a little into the 2nd quarter, but Ohio is driving, led by quaterback Boo Jackson (seriously). Boo knows football. This is turning out to be a disturbingly good game...disturbing if you like the Bucks, or have money riding on them, which I, thankfully, do not. The Ohio Bobcats uniforms look like a cross between the road kits for the New York Jets and the Baltimore Colts....I mean, Indianapolis Colts. Reminds me of Super Bowl III, as did the Giants score above--too bad I didn't mention this before.



Ohio scored! They lead 7-3, and they've eaten about half of the 2nd quarter. I'm sure they will lose in the end, but whoever had the foresight to take the Bobcats has to feel pretty comfortable about now.



I have taken northwestern(-6)overDUKE. I have a long history of betting against Duke. They suck, last I checked. Northwestern has a recent history of winning high scoring shootouts, most memorably (for me) over Michigan State. Good enough for me.



I've also taken texas(-27)over UTEP. 27 is alot to give on the road, but this mismatch seems big enough to justify it. UTEP got blown out 42-17 against Buffalo last week. Who?



Ohio State has rallied to win, 26-14, after trailing 14-6. I'm not saying Boo Jackson costing Ohio State a national championship would have cost Barak Obama the state of Ohio, but it's a good thing this game wasn't November 1st. Of course Ohio State never plays MAC teams that late in the year, and this game will be forgotten after Ohio State loses to Southern Cal next week.



I didn't like the BC-Ga Tech line (BC by 6.5), and BC proved me right by losing, 19-16.



I'm tempted to take GEORGIA(-24.5)over central michigan, but apparently CMU's quarterback is the poor man's Tim Tebow. I also need to stay objective, since I've lost every time I've gone to Soaring Eagle Casino in Mount Pleasant, and I may be hoding that against the Chippewas. On the other hand, Oklahoma could become my favorite Big 12 school now that I won $600 at one of the Cherokee casinos there on the way through. I think Oklahoma has about 20 different Indian Casinos that have poker rooms. Tasty!



I'm tempted to go against Notre Dame as they renew their rivalry against San Diego State. They're not vulnerable to the voodoo doll hidden in a vault under the Golden Dome, since they are the Bulldogs....What? They're the Aztecs? Dress that doll up like one of those half-animal pagan gods with the names nobody can pronounce, and hook some electrodes to his balls. Mumble some Latin, beat some drums, and give him 500 volts. That oughta do it.



San Diego State lost to Cal Poly last week. Who? Since the Fighting Irish haven't ummmm... fought anybody yet, its hard to justify favoring them by 22.5 against anybody, but this San Diego State team is pretty bad. Notre Dame has no business busting out the voodoo against these guys. If they can't beat these guys Chaz Weiss will be out on his fat ass--except for that fat contract of his, that is. Forgive me father, for I am not worthy of my exhorbitant salary....

Not that it's his fault. The brain trust that offered it to him should be begging somebody for forgiveness....