Spartans Ice Irish/Weis Ices Knee with Venti Half-Skinny White Chocolate Mocha Frappucinno

I got crushed yesterday by college football, but for all that, I'm pretty pleased right now. Pugilant Mick warned me by phone to stay away from Michigan State-Notre Dame yesterday, but he meant the line, while I took the OVER.

The OVER was 49 when I took it, and then, when teasing the o/u became available, I teased MSU and the over, and ND and the over. This brought the over down to 42, and meant that I could win both ends as long as State won by between 3 and 15. As it turned out, they won by 16, 23-7. The 16 points was irrelevant, since the UNDER won handily. As the game wound down, I knew there would be no sudden flurry of touchdowns, but I considered the longshot possibilities:

ND scores, 23-14...onside kick, ND scores again, 23-21. 44 points makes an over, but now State wins by 2, making the teased moneyline on State a push, whule my ND bet wins.

ND scores, 23-14, MSU gets a big kickoff return, or maybe an interception returned for a score, 30-14. Again, 44 points makes the teased over come in, but now State covers one bet, while the ND bet becomes a push....wierd.

A botched extra point could help me win on both ends, if the score ended up 23-20, or 29-14. How freakish would that be?

I wasn't really hoping for any of these scenarios (well, maybe the 29-14 one, a little). Anyone who remembers Notre Dame's comeback against State two years ago knows why. They also probably have a pretty good idea why I liked the OVER. Anyone confused about this point may want to think back to the overtime thriller State won at South Bend the year before. Without consulting the recordbooks, I think the two sides scored about 190 points in those two games.

Nope, 184. I was going to say 180, but I thought one game got into the high 40's.

It's still too soon to be sure, but Michigan State may have learned how to play defense again. I say too soon, because while Notre Dame looks pretty talented at the skill positions, these kids are all freshmen and sophomores, and because their shutout last week was in crummy weather. It was also over Florida Atlantic.

On the other hand, I think Mark Dantonio is building a tremendous program. The entire team stood on the sidelines for much of the game, and Javon Ringer abruptly cut off his camera time for the team prayer, quickly telling the reporter that the team always does this after games. Dantonio has created team unity that is wonderful to behold, and I think his players would follow him to the gates of hell....The same ones Notre Dame opens with their voodoo rituals? Perhaps.

I'm speculating whether Charlie Weises knee injury was payment for six Wolverine turnovers. As I've previously discussed, voodoo doesn't work against Michigan, because it is too hard to dress the doll up like a Wolverine....(Actually, it's not that hard, but the voodoo spirits generally see through these clever ruses. They are cunning, if not particularly bright.) Maybe Chubby Chuckie figured it was easier to hock a limb at Satan's pawnshop rather than mess around with traditional methods. Since the voodoo spirits like to deal in karmic payoffs, Weises knee rates as fantastic turnaround, unless it was blowback from a season or two ago. (Last season rates as blowback from firing Troy Willingham, which is why I'm saying this is coming from two years back. If anything the voodoo spirits should have given Notre Dame a refund for last year.

Meanwhile, the Wolverines are struggling in Ann Arbor, where their coach is a confirmed lying scumbag, sort of like ex-Michigan State coach Nick Saban. Saban's 'Bama trounced the Hogs yesterday, 49-14, showing that teams coached by lying scumbags can win, especially when they are playing each other, as Arkansas is coached by Rick Pitino.

I need to thank Greg Easterbrook's TMQ column for pointing out the "progress" of these 3 programs....Meanwhile, I'd like to point out that while Michigan hasn't beat Ohio State since...2003, their coach lacks credibility, etc, etc, Michigan State is being coached by a man who appears to be brimming with integrity, the Spartans have learned to tackle again, and Javon Ringer has 11 TD's and about 700 yards rushing in 4 games. Michigan will remain able to recruit, but if Ringer can generate some Heisman hype Michigan State Green is going to look like a pretty good alternative to Gaize in Blue...I mean, Maize and Blue.

Even with rather underwhelming performances from Ohio State, I still think they and Wisconsin are the favorites to go to whatever is substituting for the Rose Bowl this year, and I still think Michigan will be much better by the time they play Michigan State, but if the ball bounces right things could be looking up for the Spartans.

Speaking of Ohio State, they scored some late points to beat Troy, 28-10, at least approaching the number 21. If their freshman quarterback gets it together the Buckeyes could be pretty good by the end of the season, but I think I'm done betting on them for now. When was the last time they covered? My internet connection is cut off, so I can't check right now, despite buying one of these damn Starbucks cards to get AT&T wifi. The card cost me $5 and part of my soul. I may have to do an exorcism on my laptop...and my wallet. Right now the additional $3.99 I paid to get 2 hours of internet from AT&T since the card failed hurts more than the six sports bets I've lost this weekend.

Speaking of which, Iowa lost at Pitt, 21-2o, which would be fine if I'd got the late Pitt by 1.5 spread, but I took Iowa when they were a pick. Only being able to get to the internet part of the time is hurting my bottom line.

The sixth bet was this morning, when Chelsea rallied to tie Manchester United, 1-1. I needed Chelsea to win. This loss feels pretty good, since Chelsea trailed until the 80th minute, and now their home unbeaten streak is still intact. If Chelsea'd had the lead, then blew it, this would be even more crushing than going 0-5 on the NCAA.

I meant to be out of this Latte Purgatory before noon, or 1:00 EST, when the pro games start. Now my twin desires to save this piece and follow pro football have led me to pay for another 2 hours. See what I mean about an exorcism? Now that Starbucks and AT&T have flawlessly executed a bait-and-switch, I need to make sure they haven't pulled some sort of debit card/credit card bait and switch as well. Starbucks knew what they were doing when they decided to offer internet, it being a somewhere between caffiene and methanphetamine on the addictiveness top ten. Speaking of meth, as long as Starbucks doesn't offer a
Skinny Vanilla Latte + Protein + Meth*, I suppose I can call a meth dealer on an AT&T phone. (No cell phones--in fact, are any phones safe in the age of the Patriot Act?) Maybe I should call my gamblers anonymous sponsor instead.

Oh wait, I don't have a Gamblers Anonymous sponsor. I guess I'll call Pugilant Mick. It's 10 on the West Coast, so he might be up.

Mick was surprisingly rational yesterday before and during THE game.. Even his prediction of a BCS bid for Notre Dame was well thought out, couched in "ifs," as in, IF Notre Dame goes 11-1, as in IF they lose to only USC, or IF they lose to Michigan State or Purdue, but upset USC, they will get a BCS game. All this sort of ignored Stanford, but then one of us reminded the other that Stanford is probably better than any of ND's Big Ten schedule this year, so the season could always end with the Irish getting beaten with a switch picked from Stanford's Pine Tree mascot. Maybe they can make the doll look like Pinnochio.

During the last paragraph a barista gave me a shot of some sort of Breakfast Morning Blend, or Morning Breakfast Blend, or something, and proceeded to explain to me that the "Morning" part was because this coffee would be complimented by having it with a bagel. I knew I was supposed to have red wine with steak, and cheap beer and Louisiana Hot Sauce with crawdads, but I wasn't prepared for this sort of shrewd marketing.

I haven't gotten a bagel yet, but the thought is now lodged in my head like rapidly cooling shrapnel. I may need a lobotomy instead of an exorecism.

I've noticed that employees here get in line and order something before they start their shift. I'm not sure if this is some kind of Three Card Monte shill move, or if this is some kind of thing like being in Amway. Now I feel bad. I compared Latter-Day Saints to Amway yesterday, when I should have compared Starbucks to Amway, and said Mitt Romney reminds me of a salesman at a Saturn dealership. Meanwhile, the Amish who died in a buggy accident remind me of Sarah Palin, except they don't believe in guns. Or helicopters.

They also remind me of Richard Nixon, only he foreswore pacifism when he joined the Navy, sort of like SGT York did when he joined the Army, and sort of like Barak Obama foreswore bowing towards Mecca when he became a community organizer in Chicago, and foreswore Reverand Wright a few months ago.

I'm not saying I'm not scared of Barak Obama because he's a Muslim, because I'm not. I'm scared of Barak because he's a liberal. Hillary forswore liberalism six or eight years ago, maybe sooner. That, along with her willingness to do shots, and her hunting deer as a child in rural Pennsylvania, is why Appalachians aren't scared of her. Not to mention the fact that no matter how you cut it, "Community Organizer in Chicago" is code for "Blacks getting organized." In fact, it's not even code....Unless you're Mayor Daley or somebody. Then it's code for voter fraud. Wasn't President Bushes brother a community organizer in Florida?

The Rodham campaign figured out that the best way to exploit the fear of blacks getting organized was to pose as somebody from the hill country with a gun. Once Mc Cain figured this out his choice was clear, especially on the eve of hurricaine season. Sarah Palin is not posing as somebody from the hill country with a gun, any more than young Levi is posing as a redneck. I don't know if he likes pork rinds, but if he says he does, I believe him.

Unfortunately, President Bush dampened the effect of the Anti-looting vote by improving hurricaine relief efforts.


*They have Skinny Vanilla Latte, and they have Vanilla Latte + Protein. Ergo, you can have a Skinny Vanilla Latte + Protein. They do not have Skinny Vanilla Latte + Protein + Meth. Yet. Too bad, because it would make you skinny.