S'quatch goes South? Paulites go East, Gold goes Up
I read today that Sarah M. Palin is not one of the Pentecostals who is into speaking in tongues, so that's a relief. Meanwhile, my buddy the Bald Sasquatch told me that his gun enthusiast buddies all now intend to vote for Mc Cain not because Sarah likes guns, but because she's hot. So thats a relief too.
Someday I'll know how to photoshop this well...
A couple of trips to Michigan ago the S'quatch explained to me that Ron Paul supporters there generally are "gun nuts," when I noticed the two Paul bumper stickers on his car. He then opened his trunk and proceeded to prove it. He had 3 pistols and 2 rifles, if my memory serves me.
S'quatch isn't just a gun nut, however. In the past he has described himself as a Libertarian, Anarchist, Anarcho-Capitalist, and "Trent Reznor Republican." I'm not sure what this means, but I believe Reznor expressed concerns about unfettered capitalism similar to Teddy Roosevelt's.
Bow down before the
one you serve...
Did John McCain enlist Sarah M. Palin in order to neutralize "Ronstock?" If so, his plan may be succeeding. S'quatch didn't mention whether or not these gun enthusiasts were the same ones who liked Ron Paul, but he sounded disappointed. Perhaps the Ron support is only cleavage deep.
Since I left Michigan S'quatch got laid off at the Pharmacutical Factory he's worked at for the last few years. I only left three weeks ago, so he was clinging to his guns well before he became another statistic in the economy of the Great Lake State. Actually he isn't drawing unemployment yet, so I guess he isn't a statistic...yet.
"I got something you can cling to right here!"
Like his Viking ancestors, S'quatch is considering heading south, in search of better employment opportunities and easy women. I told him he might like it down here in Texas. Here you can tell the gun enthusiasts by their Texas license plates, while Ron Paul bumper stickers show that you favor legalized prostitution.
Easy? How easy?
Maybe that's why people here are so polite. (The guns, I mean.) Traffic here is pretty bad, which is what you get when he economy isn't slowly dying, but most of the time people let you change lanes in front of them when you get confused or lost and find yourself in the wrong lane. They also let you know when you leave your gas cap open, or leave your turn signal on. I suppose John McCain might like it here, but I bet they're nice like that in Arizona too.
The politeness is nice, but it makes me feel bad about wanting to say disparaging things about the Dallas Cowboys to wind their fans up. They have the best team in football right now, but all year they will be thinking about how long it's been since they've won a playoff game. Listening to them talk, you can tell they're waiting for the other shoe to drop, the poor fellas. Maybe that is why I've been offending people on the political and religious fronts more lately. Or maybe it's just an election year.
Speaking of election years, I ran into some Ron Paul supporters in a microbrewery in Washington D.C. last July. They looked like they had just come from hawking T-shirts at a dead show. They wore beards and sandals and Ron t-shirts, and their kids had mohawks, mullets, and skater hairdos. They sort of reminded me of cult members, not because if their appearence, but because they kept repeating certain key words, and phrases. They said "Ron's a great American," and "He's a great patriot," and something about defending the Constitution. I told them Sam Adams was a great Patriot, but Tom Brady was the greatest Patroit of all.
They sort of freaked me out, partly because of their cultish appearence, and partly because I agreed with most of what they were saying. Sort of like the militia movement in the mid '90's. They'd come all the way from Cleveland to watch Ron Paul give a speech and drop out of the race. Now they were plotting "Ronstock" over quality American beer. Sam Adams would've been proud. Dave and I were pretty buzzed by the time they showed up. We were going to see the Nationals play the Astros, and figured it wouldn't do to watch it sober. It's not 2005 any more, is it? When I mentioned baseball, one of them said he loved Field of Dreams, but didn't like Bull Durham because Crash Davis thought Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.
The women seemed more normal than their husbands, mainly because they didn't talk as much. I was Okay with this. I din't want to ask them something, only to have them respond like those women in the prarie dresses from that polygamous compound in Texas.
Even monogamous Ronstockers are more fun than this...and less wierd
So it took me by surprise when one of them cornered me in the can and offered me a hummer, but only if I paid in silver.
I told her all I had were some Andrew Jackson dollar coins and a copy of Atlas Shrugged.
"I used to be an Ayn Rand Republican," she snarled. I've read The Fountainhead six times, so don't get all high and mighty with me."
I told her I didn't know what she was talking about. "I've never read it. I just keep it in my car so my wife can see over the dash."
"The Objectivist and the Furious"
"You're married?" her eyes got big . "I'll do it for your ring! Or 'shrooms. Can you score some 'shrooms?"
I said the closest I could get was some laughing gas, which I was using to soup up my Hyundai...or one of my other cars. It's hard to keep track when you live life a quarter-mile at a time.
Reading Ayn Rand 1/4 mi at a time...or the Killeen phone book
That's when she really flipped out. "Don't get all high and mighty with me! I should have known from your condecension! You're a Cindy McCain Republican!" I told her that while Cindy was a great patriot, I was more into that Chinese girl in the Fast and the Furious II, and I loved Josie Maran's work in Need for Speed: Most Wanted. Elaborating, I told her I thought Tila Tequila was a flash in the pan, while Tera Patrick had more experience, and would bring people together to do great things. She yawned and left me shaking my wang.
Patrick emphasizes experience, courts the gun lobby/McCain scoffs at video games, flaunts family values, jewels
I'm not sure that there's a point to any of this, but I think John McCain picked Sarah M. Palin because she's a uniter, not a divider. What hope is there for Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac if an Ayn Rand Republican and a Tera Patrick Republican can't conduct a simple business transaction in the Men's room of a D.C. Microbrewery? It almost makes you long for the days of yore where a female member of congress allegedly snorted a rail off of Hunter S. Thompson's wang. I don't know if Hunter would have held off blowing his brains out if Barak Obama had started campaigning a little sooner, and I don't know if Sarah M. Palin could get a rise out of him long enough to do the iditarod on his...rod, but it's nice to think so. They both love their guns....
Freak Power!
RIP, HST
Someday I'll know how to photoshop this well...
A couple of trips to Michigan ago the S'quatch explained to me that Ron Paul supporters there generally are "gun nuts," when I noticed the two Paul bumper stickers on his car. He then opened his trunk and proceeded to prove it. He had 3 pistols and 2 rifles, if my memory serves me.
S'quatch isn't just a gun nut, however. In the past he has described himself as a Libertarian, Anarchist, Anarcho-Capitalist, and "Trent Reznor Republican." I'm not sure what this means, but I believe Reznor expressed concerns about unfettered capitalism similar to Teddy Roosevelt's.
Bow down before the
one you serve...
Did John McCain enlist Sarah M. Palin in order to neutralize "Ronstock?" If so, his plan may be succeeding. S'quatch didn't mention whether or not these gun enthusiasts were the same ones who liked Ron Paul, but he sounded disappointed. Perhaps the Ron support is only cleavage deep.
Since I left Michigan S'quatch got laid off at the Pharmacutical Factory he's worked at for the last few years. I only left three weeks ago, so he was clinging to his guns well before he became another statistic in the economy of the Great Lake State. Actually he isn't drawing unemployment yet, so I guess he isn't a statistic...yet.
"I got something you can cling to right here!"
Like his Viking ancestors, S'quatch is considering heading south, in search of better employment opportunities and easy women. I told him he might like it down here in Texas. Here you can tell the gun enthusiasts by their Texas license plates, while Ron Paul bumper stickers show that you favor legalized prostitution.
Easy? How easy?
Maybe that's why people here are so polite. (The guns, I mean.) Traffic here is pretty bad, which is what you get when he economy isn't slowly dying, but most of the time people let you change lanes in front of them when you get confused or lost and find yourself in the wrong lane. They also let you know when you leave your gas cap open, or leave your turn signal on. I suppose John McCain might like it here, but I bet they're nice like that in Arizona too.
The politeness is nice, but it makes me feel bad about wanting to say disparaging things about the Dallas Cowboys to wind their fans up. They have the best team in football right now, but all year they will be thinking about how long it's been since they've won a playoff game. Listening to them talk, you can tell they're waiting for the other shoe to drop, the poor fellas. Maybe that is why I've been offending people on the political and religious fronts more lately. Or maybe it's just an election year.
Speaking of election years, I ran into some Ron Paul supporters in a microbrewery in Washington D.C. last July. They looked like they had just come from hawking T-shirts at a dead show. They wore beards and sandals and Ron t-shirts, and their kids had mohawks, mullets, and skater hairdos. They sort of reminded me of cult members, not because if their appearence, but because they kept repeating certain key words, and phrases. They said "Ron's a great American," and "He's a great patriot," and something about defending the Constitution. I told them Sam Adams was a great Patriot, but Tom Brady was the greatest Patroit of all.
 |  Pee Wee Herman? This explains why Beckham got sleeves... |
They sort of freaked me out, partly because of their cultish appearence, and partly because I agreed with most of what they were saying. Sort of like the militia movement in the mid '90's. They'd come all the way from Cleveland to watch Ron Paul give a speech and drop out of the race. Now they were plotting "Ronstock" over quality American beer. Sam Adams would've been proud. Dave and I were pretty buzzed by the time they showed up. We were going to see the Nationals play the Astros, and figured it wouldn't do to watch it sober. It's not 2005 any more, is it? When I mentioned baseball, one of them said he loved Field of Dreams, but didn't like Bull Durham because Crash Davis thought Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.
The women seemed more normal than their husbands, mainly because they didn't talk as much. I was Okay with this. I din't want to ask them something, only to have them respond like those women in the prarie dresses from that polygamous compound in Texas.
Even monogamous Ronstockers are more fun than this...and less wierd
So it took me by surprise when one of them cornered me in the can and offered me a hummer, but only if I paid in silver.
I told her all I had were some Andrew Jackson dollar coins and a copy of Atlas Shrugged.
"I used to be an Ayn Rand Republican," she snarled. I've read The Fountainhead six times, so don't get all high and mighty with me."
I told her I didn't know what she was talking about. "I've never read it. I just keep it in my car so my wife can see over the dash."
"The Objectivist and the Furious"
"You're married?" her eyes got big . "I'll do it for your ring! Or 'shrooms. Can you score some 'shrooms?"
I said the closest I could get was some laughing gas, which I was using to soup up my Hyundai...or one of my other cars. It's hard to keep track when you live life a quarter-mile at a time.
 |  |  |
Reading Ayn Rand 1/4 mi at a time...or the Killeen phone book
That's when she really flipped out. "Don't get all high and mighty with me! I should have known from your condecension! You're a Cindy McCain Republican!" I told her that while Cindy was a great patriot, I was more into that Chinese girl in the Fast and the Furious II, and I loved Josie Maran's work in Need for Speed: Most Wanted. Elaborating, I told her I thought Tila Tequila was a flash in the pan, while Tera Patrick had more experience, and would bring people together to do great things. She yawned and left me shaking my wang.
 |  |
Patrick emphasizes experience, courts the gun lobby/McCain scoffs at video games, flaunts family values, jewels
I'm not sure that there's a point to any of this, but I think John McCain picked Sarah M. Palin because she's a uniter, not a divider. What hope is there for Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac if an Ayn Rand Republican and a Tera Patrick Republican can't conduct a simple business transaction in the Men's room of a D.C. Microbrewery? It almost makes you long for the days of yore where a female member of congress allegedly snorted a rail off of Hunter S. Thompson's wang. I don't know if Hunter would have held off blowing his brains out if Barak Obama had started campaigning a little sooner, and I don't know if Sarah M. Palin could get a rise out of him long enough to do the iditarod on his...rod, but it's nice to think so. They both love their guns....
Freak Power!
RIP, HST
posted by roQQ | 6:57 PM
3 Comments:
This comment has been removed by the author.
I'm glad that the Sasquatch made his debut on roQQ's blog. Though he tells me he's never referred to himself as a "Trent Reznor Republican".
Trent also disavowed any rumors that he is a "Sasquatch Republican," prompting several Paul supporters to respond that the government is using taxpayer $$ to hunt sasquatches using black helicopters and "lasers."
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