Jets-Broncos game diary / Teblowin' in the wind

I got up at 6 a.m. to watch the Teblowing. It's Friday morning in Afghanistan, so it's Thursday night in America, and we are a week before Thanksgiving, so Thursday Night Football is part of the NFL landscape the rest of the way.

The Jets are in Denver for the game, and with their past record when travelling west being less than stellar (see their recent loss at Oakland) the chances of some Teblowing are better than you might think.

What is Teblowing? Well, Tebowing is when you drop to your knees in prayer at relatively random moments. I say relatively, because these moments are not random to Timmy T.--but they would be random to his peers.

If you take any of it seriously, Tebow's stance makes sense. Lots of players give a prayer of thanks after they score. By then it's too late. Why not pray while the outcome is still in doubt? Of course, Tebowing as a celebration, like Lions players did three weeks ago after sacking Tebow, is not really praying, and some went as far as to say the Lions attacked Tebow's religious freedom &/or beliefs.

Former Indiana Pacer Jalen Rose countered this, claiming that players mocking Tebow would ultimately make "Prayer Tebow" iconic the way "Air Jordan" is. Something like that. Maybe Rose can help him market a new set of knee pads every year. Or maybe Rose was just sticking up for the Lions. He is a Michigan guy, after all.

Anyway, Tebowing is taken. That's why we need Teblowing, to describe a two for eight passing performance that still results in a gritty win.

Does it have to be a gritty win? Well, when you run the ball 56 times in a game, it will probably be a gritty win...or a gritty loss. Very gritty. Especially if the field is muddy.

The third quarter is winding down, and this game is becoming more and more Teblowish as it goes on. Tebow started out four out of five passing, but has since gone two for seven, for a current total of six for twelve for 69 yards. A full Teblow requires sub-50% pass completions.

A pass to the sidelines just fell incomplete. Six of 13, and we're in business.

Pass out of bounds. Six of 14, and the Broncos punt.

It was 3-3 at halftime, and in the third quarter the Jets took a 10-3 lead on a fumble recovery on first and goal. That score held up until Mark Sanchez threw a pick-six that knotted the score at ten. The full Teblow requires that the Broncos win, though Denver is bad enough that I'd consider partial credit for keeping a game close where the opposition is favored by 13 or 14. Close losses won't help the Tebow legend, however. Teblowing is about WINNING. Tebow is a WINNER...who blows...most of the time.

Six of 15, on a pass WAY out of bounds. We're in TEBLOW territory now. At this point Tim can win the game with a big play, and still stay comfortably below 50%. NICE. Not this drive, though. That was third down.

They just came back from a TV timeout to show a bevy of buxom Bronco cheer-babes. Too bad Black Francis isn't here. He would appreciate this, but he needs his beauty rest.

It's the fourth quarter now, and Tebow has only run the ball twice for 11 yards. This is not very Tebow-like, but I'm not docking him Teblow points for this. While it is well known that Timmy makes up for his shoddy passing with his legs, as long as he has a shitty passing day but still wins, the Teblowing is in effect. I don't care if he rode big defensive plays to victory.

The Jets just kicked a field goal, and lead, 13-10. This hurts from a Teblowing standpoint, unless, of course, the Broncos come back. Are come-from-behind victories and last-minute heroics part of Teblwoing? You know it!

Last week I went 1-2. I was right with Houston over Tampa Bay, and wrong with Buffalo over Dallas (way wrong) and with KC over Denver. This week, I'm stayed away from betting for or against Denver, so I can sit back and enjoy some Teblowing. Teblwoing isn't about money, it's about the love of the game.

Frank just walked in, and informed me that he saw the Bronco Cheer-babes on the TV in his room. How conveeeeeeeeeeenient! I considered testing his loyalty to the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, but I was too in awe of the Bronkettes to get the words out. Tongue-tied, by God.

Timmy just ran for 15 yards on an option play on 2nd and 2 from his own 11. This more than doubles his running total.

Pass complete for 9 yards. There are only five minutes remaining, so Denver needs a game winning drive. On the other hand, this gets him closer to the dreaded 50%.

Three runs, all by Tebow, and the Broncos are over midfield. Win it with your legs, Timmy! That's how you Teblow!

Third and 4 form the 20....Tebow rolls left, tucks it in*, has the first down...he goes all the way! TOUCHDOWN! Thar' she Teblows! The full Teblow is on. Nine out of 20, and a lead. Tim is in the end zone on a knee, visibly praying out loud, about two feet from a video camera.

After a futile Hail Mary from Sanchez, game over for the Jets. Brian Dawkins leads a prayer circle on the field, as he and Tebow hold hands with a bunch of Broncos, and at least one Jet. Shades of Penn State-Nebraska, though without the creepy context...as far as we know.

*I saw the instant replay, and Tebow didn't tuck in the ball in until at least five yards past the line of scrimmage. Look for Cortland Finnegan or some other pint sized corner to knock the ball loose later in the season.

This week I like cincinnati(+7)0ver BALTIMORE. The Ravens may deserve to be favored at home, but why so much? Sure, they're capable of blowing out their opponents, but they're also capable of losing. To Seattle. And Jacksonville. And Tennessee. Cincy, on the other hand, is apparently the most consistent team in the NFL, though the second most consistent team (Green Bay) happens to win more consistently. I can't find the article claiming this, so I can't give you the link to it. The article also said that Baltimore was one of, if not the most inconsistent team in the league. Give me consistent, and give me the points.

Why so much? A.J. Green is injured. Mystery solved. I still like the Bengals to man up and lose by 3. This is a divisional game, last time I checked.

This may be less of a bargain than Cincy, but I love CHICAGO(-3.5)over sandiego. This game opened at 4, so apparently enough people like the Chargers to lower the line, but I am not one of them. The only big weakness for the Bears is their shoddy wide receivers. In theory the Chargers are loaded, but they don't seem to play that way at all. They are going East two time zones as well, though this is a 4:00 game, so at least it's not before their wakey-wakey time, but that may be the nicest thing I can say about them right now. Have I mentioned that San Diego is one of the worst special teams teams in the league? Do I need to remind you about Devin Hester? I could try to find out about the Chargers' pass rush, but I'm feeling lazy, and Chicago has been much better protecting Jay Cutler lately, so I'm not going to bother. If you want to talk yourself out of this pick do your own research.

I think my blood pressure just spiked. I need to calm down.

If you jumped on it early, you could have had NYGIANTS(-3)over philadelphia, but at this point, it looks like you are stuck giving 4.5. I'm not sure I can recommend this, since these teams can both be maddeningly inconsistent, but it looks like Michael Vick isn't playing. I picked this game when it was NYGIANTS(-4)over philadelphia. Sorry for leaving you all behind, though maybe not as sorry as I'll be if the Eagles lose by 3. For some reason, I feel like this game will not be close. Shame and humiliation feel like they are in the cards for one of these teams...maybe next week shame and humiliation for both of them. I haven't even checked the schedule, but the Giants schedule is a bitch the rest of the way.

The Bronco game went just about perfectly for me. Tim was gracious enough to give us an example of Teblowing, demonstrating exactly why we need the term. I would have preferred fewer pass completions, but Timmy was clutch, and many of his incompletions were awful throws. So were many of his completions. His receivers were diving all ofver the place, but even their heroic catches couldn't make him look good. I wonder why the Broncos didn't run him sooner, or more often. Their game plan put the Teblowing in jeopardy, but it all worked out in the end.

If the Raiders lose this week, Denver will be in a tie for first in the AFC West. Maybe a 3 or 4 way tie, but still--a tie for first. Who'da thunkit?

If you think Teblowing is crass and tasteless, wait til I crack on Penn State. Too soon? It's only a matter of time. Laughter is the best medicine...except for Preparation-H.

Knee high boots/The left hand of God

I was walking down Disney with Black Francis a couple of days ago when I clock a pair of black knee-high boots walking the opposite way. I point them out to Frank (of course) and by extension, point out the woman wearing them. Not bad. Aging reasonably well. Russian, if I had to guess.

Yes ladies, if you want to get noticed, knee high leather boots is one way to pull this off. Not that there aren't drawbacks.

"I can just imagine her, in those boots, standing under a street lamp, with a sax playing in the background," I say.

"Holy shit!"

"What?"

"I just got this image, she's walking along next to a brick wall. There's grafitti on the wall, and after that are shops lit by neon signs, that say 'Checks Cashed,' and 'E-Z Pawn'. Steam rises up from a sewer grate. She has a cigarette, too much makeup, and huge, teased up, can-of-hairspray 80's hair. The cars that drive by are all either taxis or pimpmobiles about 10 years older than her hair. The street reeks of stale urine and Chinese food, maybe some weed."

"Whoa! You got all that from boots, a streetlamp, and a sax?"

"Mostly it was the sax."

Frank has seen the same crappy 80's B movies that I have, where a Tom Berringer clone plays a dirty cop with a stripper girlfriend, balancing his alcoholism and vigilante impulses against his need to keep his detective job within the corrupt NYPD, all while tracking down a serial-killer who targets streetwalkers. The saxophone had invoked all of these memories of pre-Giuliani, crime-ridden New York in one fell swoop.

The saxophone got used enough on movie soundtracks back then that it lives on today as a signature, a certain audio cliche....shorthand for the seamy underbelly of the American metropolis. In a similar vein, pastel sportcoats and no socks are evoked by the Miami Vice Soundtrack...or by crappy Glenn Frey singles. I think some of these had saxophones too, and this is no coincidence.

Sometimes football works this way. When you hear Steelers-Ravens, you expect these two teams to try to kill each other. Somebody's going to the hospital, and somebody's going to pay a fine. Maybe alot of somebodys. The Joe Flacco to Torrey Smith lightning bolt that won the game for the Ravens changed nothing.

Of course, sometimes our memories of past glory fool us. At the beginning of the season it looked as though the Pittsburgh defense was becoming old and slow. Whether or not this is true, at this point we can safely say that the Steelers are one of the few teams left in the league that is willing to man up, clock somebody, and pay a fine or two if that's what it takes to win. In fact, I think they'd rather do that rather than win, if they had to choose. If you suspect that I admire this, you are probably on to something.

Of course, the Ravens are one of the other teams we can say this about, and I wasn't sorry to see them win, despite my PITTSBURGH(-3.5)over baltimore pick, which I was winning until the final :08 or so.

In the game I was too scared to pick, Denver beat Oakland, 38-24, keeping the "Does Tim Tebow suck, or not?" debate alive for at least another week. Of course, this is one more phony debate concocted by the sports media to keep us consuming their nonsense 24/7, but it's one that I've enjoyed, so far. I'm a little bit less crazy about the debate as to whether "Tebowing" is an attack on Timmy's religion. I'm inclined to agree with Detroit defensve end Cliff Avril, who said that if you wear your religion on your sleeve, Ndamakong Suh will try to rip your arm off, beat you with it, then drive over to Roger Goodell's house with the arm on ice in the trunk of his Chrysler, and sign Roger a $75,000 check with your arterial blood.

That's not what he said? Oh.

Tim Tebow is the complete opposite of the saxophone. Much of the animosity towards him right now is his uncanny ability to defy easy categorization. He seems crummy most of the time, yet he manages to win, at least some of the time, which is more than it seems like he ought to.

If Tebow were still in college, we wouldn't have such a hard time categorizing him. This goes double for high school. What Tebow does is normal there. Running quarterbacks are everywhere...until you get to the pros. It's just not supposed to be possible to win in the NFL with his skill set. He's like some new music that the old folks don't get. And he makes it a pain in the ass to handicap games.

In the other games I picked last week, BUFFALO(-1.5) lost to the Jets, 27-11, san francisco(-3.5) beat WASHINGTON, 19-11, tampa bay(+8) lost and failed to cover at NEW ORLEANS, 27-16. Watching that game I found out that the Bucs' run defense is horrible. The nygiants(+9) won outright at NEW ENGLAND, 24-20, and green bay(-4) beat SAN DIEGO, 45-38. The Chargers had to score late to get a final score this close. chicago(+7) beat PHILADELPHIA, 26-20, so I went 4-3. I'll take it.

We have some prime examples in this mix of teams who used to play defense, but at this point must resort to scoring 35-40 per game, taking advantage of rules protecting quarterbacks and receivers going over the middle. The Pats paid the price for this approach for the second week in a row, while the Packers got away with it to the tune of 8-0. I consider it nearly a moral imperative to root against teams who don't play defense, but I won't be too surprised if the Packers manage to get away with it. They've got one sick passing game.

Is the bloom off Buffalo's proverbial rose? They got their asses kicked by the Jets at home last week, and I'm not too optimistic about their chances in Dallas. But six points? I think I have to take buffalo(+6)over DALLAS, though I haven't decided yet. I was hoping for a move to seven, but the line is down to 5.5. I still like Buffalo +5.5...it's not as though Dallas has been blowing anybody out. Most of their games are pretty close. This game gives me a chance to ask Frank if Ryan Fitzpatrick is Tony Romo with a beard, or it did until Fitz shaved. Maybe he has a Samson complex. This question will be much more fun to ask if the Bills win. Maybe if they do he'll start another beard. Lets do this. buffalo(+5.5)over DALLAS.

I feel more strongly about houston(-3) over TAMPA BAY. This feels a bit like a trap game, but the Bucs just showed that they were incapable of stopping the run, vs. Darren Sproles, Pierre Thomas, and Chris Ivory. Arian Foster and Ben Tate could tear the Bucs a new asshole, then run through it for 25 yards a pop. I'm still concerned that the Texan defense might be a fraud, but I don't feel like this is the week we find out.

Chicago's win at Philly has moved the line vs. the visiting Lions from Bears by 1 to bears by 3, and I think this is fair. Detroit's running game has disappeared since the last time these two played, and the Bears seem to have figured out how to protect Jay Cutler since then as well. I like the Lions chances to get to Cutler a bit more than Philly's, but I also like Matt Forte's chances of going off quite a bit, since Frank Gore and Michael Turner have exposed some holes in Detroit's defense. You could hope for some stupidity from Mike Martz, but right now things are going pretty well for the Bears, and he probably deserves some of the credit. I'm not betting this game, and as a Lions fan, I consider my advice biased and suspect, but this game deserves mentioning, so there you go.

Has Miami's surprise win at Kansas City earned them some respect? The 1-7 Dolphins are favored by 4 at home (where they haven't won in about a year and a half) over Washington. I suppose this line is at least half DISrespect for the Redskins. Four seems a bit generous, and it seems crazy to bet games like this, but if I did it would probably be on the 'Fins.

Speaking of crazy, do you want to give three points vs. Tim Tebow? KC is, fresh off their 27-3 drubbing at the hands of the aforementioned Dolphins. If anything would lead to some value on the Chiefs, that would be it, so maybe KANSASCITY(-3)over denver is worth a shot. You'd think that the Arrowhead crowd would be loud enough to get Tebow to make some mistakes, but something tells me he'll just pull the ball down and run it if he couldn't audible, and this is Timmy at his most dangerous.

In the end, I think I take the motivation through humiliation that the Chiefs earned the hard way. It doesn't hurt that they have a better defense, and a great home field advantage, but my feeling is they will take Denver far more seriously this week than they took Miami last week. Am I still scared to fade Tebow? Sure, but that doesn't mean it's not the right play.

I almost forgot. Apparently you can bet on who will be the next lucky guy to bone Kim Kardashian. Here are the odds, since you need to know. I'm not sure what exactly constitutes a win, though, so buyer beware.

Blake Griffin (+500) 82 games = more exposure for reality stars...too bad there's no NBA season.

Kanye West (+800)

Reggie Bush (+1,000) Does his recently improved play make him more or less likely to get with Kim?

Ryan Reynolds (+1,000)

Usher (+1,200)

Derek Jeter (+1,400) His body count rivals his hit count.