Howard Welles makes contact

Howard Welles has contacted me via Facebook. He wants to know when I'll be back in ground zero of the Economic meltdown, aka Michigan. This is all fine and dandy, except that this means my next trip home will inevitably lead to nights out on the town with Howard, which will lead to me whistling past the graveyard, jail, or possibly divorce court.

When you get an invite from Howard Welles, you go.

I could hide out in Vegas, but he'd find me there. Especially there.

Howard is a bundle of bad and expensive habits wrapped up in a white linen jacket he borrowed from Tony Montana or a televangelist and never gave back. I considered getting one from Men's Warehouse when I was in Baltimore for 45 bucks, just in case I decide to retire to the Philippines. I held off, because the jacket would just end up sitting in the closet for the next eleven years. Even then, I would probably prefer to keep a low profile, but that's not Howard's style.



Howard routinely indulges in practices that are tolerated in the rich as eccentricity, but are shunned as criminal when the poor try them out. I'd tell you more, but why help make messes for his lawyers to clean up?





The last time we went out Squatch got picked up for lewd behavior and public indecency. I suppose it could have been worse....

Kim, Jessica Axed/Belichek for President?

Here are a couple of things I've posted to other sites, namely http://beargoggles.com/ and http://bootleggersports.com/. Not sure if anyone will be able to link to here or anything...I'm so clueless about this link stuff....

The new athlete-celebrity breakup template:

Dump her right before preseason (Reggie Bush vs Kim Kardashian) Gets your mind right for practice...she won't be there to nag you after you bang groupies on road trips during the season....

Dump her a couple of weeks before preseason (Tony Romo vs Jessica Simpson) You're a quarterback, with a thick playbook to internalize, so you need more time...probably should have done it back in June, or back in '07 for that matter.

(Matt Leinert vs whoever) You're riding the pine, so continue to live it up. You may want to amp it up a bit, since I don't even know who you're seeing these days....nah, keep playing the field. If you get a chance, go work out with Tom



Kim not first to get stiff-armed
Brady again...oh, wait, he doesn't have as much time on his hands as you do....

Speaking of Tom Brady--if this season doesn't go well for the Pats, Mrs. Brady may want to keep her head down, on the off chance Tom still wants to stake his claim to be the best quarterback ever....Beware the Ides of July, Giselle.

I need to stop watching The Tudors.

Speaking of meglomaniacs with a taste for blood, did anybody see what Bill Belichek said when asked whether the Pats were interested in picking up Michael Vick? (I love Belichek, by the way...you should see the things I say about Matt Millen.)

Bill was so vague that I couldn't decide if the Pats

a.) wouldn't touch him with a 10 ft. pole, but aren't about to talk smack since whoever eventually picks him up will look bad enough already, and the press will decend on them like a murder of crows--

b.) are waiting for the price to drop on Vick to where they can buy him for a song (say $2 million/year or so) sincce he will only come in to run the Wildcat anyway--

c.) is jabbering incoherently while trying to remember which soulless un



Meglomaniac with a taste for blood...
derling he sent to
destroy the videotape from his own underground dog breeding operation, and calculating who will need to be eliminated to cement the coverup--

Just kidding about the third one--Bill never jabbers incoherently, which is a huge step up from say, Joe Biden. The best NFL coaches are alot like politicians though, only smarter and more disciplined.




"Beelzebub takes a dive in the second, you fool!"



I know Reggie just dumped Kim right before the NFL gets going, but I'm wondering if he planned this out last season when he was injured. Because that would be up there with wasting Barzini and Carlo. Just when I thought he was some lovesick chump, he whips out the Michael Corleone ruthlessness. Good luck this season, Reggie.