Baseball Season Begins (Cont.)/Investment Strategies
The New York Mets are off to a fast start, with an MLB leading ten wins in their first 12--um...make that 13 games. Two games ago they held off the Atlanta Braves, 4-3 in what was Pedro Martinez's 200th win. This was a bit of a statement game for the Mets, since their first several games were against teams that are not expected to do much this year, whereas, the Braves do SOMETHING every year. They win the NL East. The last time they did not do this they were still in the NL West, which they also won. Since the divisions were realigned the Braves have owned their division. The Mets would like the Braves to know that this year just might be different!
Then again, it might not be. Atlanta bounced back and beat the Mets 7-1 the next game. The Braves may be off to a slow start (7-8, 4 games behind the Mets), but they aren't going down without a fight. They have 147 games remaining to try to catch up. And, while so far I haven't found any particularly attractive bets for either pennant, about a week and a half ago I threw down on the Braves to once again win the NL East.
Now, while I don't hate them the way I do the Yankees, as a long time follower of the other team in New York (no, not the Islanders--we're still talking baseball here...stay with me--) you won't catch me pulling for the Braves--much.
But here's the thing about the Mets. Right now they look like this year's edition of the White Sox, right down to the sexy little black uniforms, not to mention the cross town rivals that give them an unhealthy inferiority complex.
Ugh. While the White Sox might sometimes wonder why they should ever feel inferior to the mighty mighty CUBS of all things, the Mets don't need to wonder. Not only are the Yankees the most successful franchise in any sport, ever, their legions of fans are more than willing to explain to you the who, what, where, when (win?) why and how of their team's superiority. (Except for the times they just yell, "METS SUCK!" Take your pick.)
But the White Sox hit their early schedule like a freight train and just kept moving. By the time anyone knew what hit them, they were already about ten games ahead of everyone else. They had that kind of a lead, but were still a 9-1 shot to win the pennant. Well shit. I got my money down, tell yew whut. 9-1? Shit yeah! (Of course, I also threw down on the Orioles at 16-1, two days after I could have had them at 50-1, so what the heck. Yes, I did bet on both of these teams at the same time, if you were wondering.)
Now, I'm not saying the Mets won't get off to as good a start as the White Sox. They just might. The problem is that with the high profile acquisitions they made in the offseason, everyone expected this. Everyone predicted this.
For you Wall Streeters out there, there was no IPO on the '06 Mets. At least not one you could exploit. The Mets started the season at 4-1 to win the NL pennant. Currently they are a 3-1 shot on bet365.com. At bodog.com they are now a 2-1 shot, inching ahead of the St. Louis Cardinals, a 9-4 shot.
Fuck that. You're better off buying a piece of the Statue of Liberty off a transvestite on 9th Avenue. (Can't make it to 9th Ave? Check EBay. I didn't see this option at bodog....)
How did transvestites come to own the most famous statue in the Western hemisphere? Well, they don't. But 70% of the tour guides at the statue are transvestites, and it is possible to join their union and get a piece of their profit-sharing in exchange for your union dues. It's only fitting, since, after all, the Statue is easily our most visible cross dresser. (What, you only now noticed those masculine features? Thats what they call denial. D-E-N-I-A-L. "Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses, yearing to be free to dress up like a woman, free from getting rolled by some ignoramus in the parking lot of some honky tonk...")
But alas, your uncle Roqq doesn't own a piece of the Cross-dressing Tour Guide Union. Heck, I haven't even joined Amway. But I can tell you that the going rate for flogging with a riding crop my a lovely he-she at La Maison deSade in lower Manhattan circa 1999 was $20.00. No, I did not partake, I saved my money and put it on the Cardinals in '03 for the NL pennant...
The price of a good flogging may be a bit higher these days, but I'll bet it's not too unreasonable. After all, this isn't the year 2000, when .coms were making millionaires left and right, and roughly half the transvestites residing in the Big Apple had bought plane tickets to Houston, where they serviced the board of directors at ENRON at ridiculous rates....Ridiculous? Shit, it was a tax write off most of the time, or at worst was shareholder money...
Yes, fourtunes were won and lost in those wild days. Some of the he-shes invested in oil. Others in real-estate. As for the rest of them, lets just say that nobody starved vending ectsacy, bolivian cocaine, or top-shelf plastic surgery. Not at the turn of this century.
The richest demographic in New York isn't Jews any more. They are still a very respectable 3rd place, but they have been passed by Koreans, and at the top of the heap, homosexuals.
Now Roqq Bottom doesn't blame the queers for driving up the price of real-estate, not even in New York. Are they a factor? Probably. But they're also a factor in the proliferation of nice restaurants, bars and cafes in alot of areas. Why? Because those fags have taste, damnit (hold your jokes please, I'm almost done). They know what they like, and they're willing to pay for it. And they'll keep paying, because they have money to burn, and most of them aren't hunkering down to save up for Junior's college fund like you are. Who do you think is keeping this economy going anyway?
But as rich as they as a group are, there are still some transvestites downtown saving up for that surgery, that will give you a good flogging. And these days, it can't cost much more than twenty bucks.
I haven't given up on picking the pennant winners. You can find me down at La Maison de Sade, reading the sports page, and drinking a Henekin.
If I can't find an undervalued hot team by the All-Star break, I can always get lashed instead.
Go Mets.
Then again, it might not be. Atlanta bounced back and beat the Mets 7-1 the next game. The Braves may be off to a slow start (7-8, 4 games behind the Mets), but they aren't going down without a fight. They have 147 games remaining to try to catch up. And, while so far I haven't found any particularly attractive bets for either pennant, about a week and a half ago I threw down on the Braves to once again win the NL East.
Now, while I don't hate them the way I do the Yankees, as a long time follower of the other team in New York (no, not the Islanders--we're still talking baseball here...stay with me--) you won't catch me pulling for the Braves--much.
But here's the thing about the Mets. Right now they look like this year's edition of the White Sox, right down to the sexy little black uniforms, not to mention the cross town rivals that give them an unhealthy inferiority complex.
Ugh. While the White Sox might sometimes wonder why they should ever feel inferior to the mighty mighty CUBS of all things, the Mets don't need to wonder. Not only are the Yankees the most successful franchise in any sport, ever, their legions of fans are more than willing to explain to you the who, what, where, when (win?) why and how of their team's superiority. (Except for the times they just yell, "METS SUCK!" Take your pick.)
But the White Sox hit their early schedule like a freight train and just kept moving. By the time anyone knew what hit them, they were already about ten games ahead of everyone else. They had that kind of a lead, but were still a 9-1 shot to win the pennant. Well shit. I got my money down, tell yew whut. 9-1? Shit yeah! (Of course, I also threw down on the Orioles at 16-1, two days after I could have had them at 50-1, so what the heck. Yes, I did bet on both of these teams at the same time, if you were wondering.)
Now, I'm not saying the Mets won't get off to as good a start as the White Sox. They just might. The problem is that with the high profile acquisitions they made in the offseason, everyone expected this. Everyone predicted this.
For you Wall Streeters out there, there was no IPO on the '06 Mets. At least not one you could exploit. The Mets started the season at 4-1 to win the NL pennant. Currently they are a 3-1 shot on bet365.com. At bodog.com they are now a 2-1 shot, inching ahead of the St. Louis Cardinals, a 9-4 shot.
Fuck that. You're better off buying a piece of the Statue of Liberty off a transvestite on 9th Avenue. (Can't make it to 9th Ave? Check EBay. I didn't see this option at bodog....)
How did transvestites come to own the most famous statue in the Western hemisphere? Well, they don't. But 70% of the tour guides at the statue are transvestites, and it is possible to join their union and get a piece of their profit-sharing in exchange for your union dues. It's only fitting, since, after all, the Statue is easily our most visible cross dresser. (What, you only now noticed those masculine features? Thats what they call denial. D-E-N-I-A-L. "Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses, yearing to be free to dress up like a woman, free from getting rolled by some ignoramus in the parking lot of some honky tonk...")
But alas, your uncle Roqq doesn't own a piece of the Cross-dressing Tour Guide Union. Heck, I haven't even joined Amway. But I can tell you that the going rate for flogging with a riding crop my a lovely he-she at La Maison deSade in lower Manhattan circa 1999 was $20.00. No, I did not partake, I saved my money and put it on the Cardinals in '03 for the NL pennant...
The price of a good flogging may be a bit higher these days, but I'll bet it's not too unreasonable. After all, this isn't the year 2000, when .coms were making millionaires left and right, and roughly half the transvestites residing in the Big Apple had bought plane tickets to Houston, where they serviced the board of directors at ENRON at ridiculous rates....Ridiculous? Shit, it was a tax write off most of the time, or at worst was shareholder money...
Yes, fourtunes were won and lost in those wild days. Some of the he-shes invested in oil. Others in real-estate. As for the rest of them, lets just say that nobody starved vending ectsacy, bolivian cocaine, or top-shelf plastic surgery. Not at the turn of this century.
The richest demographic in New York isn't Jews any more. They are still a very respectable 3rd place, but they have been passed by Koreans, and at the top of the heap, homosexuals.
Now Roqq Bottom doesn't blame the queers for driving up the price of real-estate, not even in New York. Are they a factor? Probably. But they're also a factor in the proliferation of nice restaurants, bars and cafes in alot of areas. Why? Because those fags have taste, damnit (hold your jokes please, I'm almost done). They know what they like, and they're willing to pay for it. And they'll keep paying, because they have money to burn, and most of them aren't hunkering down to save up for Junior's college fund like you are. Who do you think is keeping this economy going anyway?
But as rich as they as a group are, there are still some transvestites downtown saving up for that surgery, that will give you a good flogging. And these days, it can't cost much more than twenty bucks.
I haven't given up on picking the pennant winners. You can find me down at La Maison de Sade, reading the sports page, and drinking a Henekin.
If I can't find an undervalued hot team by the All-Star break, I can always get lashed instead.
Go Mets.
posted by roQQ | 7:04 AM
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