Coming to America
Bill Simmons hasn't done a mailbag on Page2 of ESPN.com lately, but I have sent in another letter. This time I forgot to cut and paste, so I'm rewriting this from memory. Hopefully I get close.
What events need to transpire before we can congratulate David Beckham on becoming the Kris Benson of MLS?
Think of the following as the beginning of a top ten list.
Posh informs press that if Becks ever cheats on her she will sleep with the entire Galaxy (LA Galaxy--not the Milky Way Galaxy).
MLS concocts new stats in order to create fantasy soccer, in hopes that America's love of fantasy leagues will help to popularize MLS; would-be fans discover that Beckham has soccer equivalent of a 4.82 ERA.
Beckham develops the soccer equivalent of shoulder injury on pitching arm--misses entire season. What? You're not laughing? Me neither.
Angry Posh exclaims to press: "I can't believe they traded us to Real Salt Lake!!!"
Posh endorses obscure online casino, somehow doubling online gambling's sleaze quotient.
Posh gets her own reality TV show. What? She already has one? Maybe Anna Benson needs to move to England and get a reality show about that. This would confirm all their predjudices and bad opinions about us.
Now that I have exchanged a couple of Emails with one of the Manchester Uninted's (ick!)correspondants, there is an outside chance I will be deluged with letters from people who have no idea who Kris or Anna Benson are. While I am willing to answer your questions about who these people are, along with the various ways they have graced our tabloids, I encourage you to do a couple of searches on them and see what you can find. Trust me, if you don't laugh your ass off you will at least find some semi-attractive pix of Anna. (Opinion regarding her hotness seems to vary wildly--if you like what you see, keep looking and you will probably find nudes. I didn't, but I was just looking for material for my letter to the Sports Guy.
Beckham has been getting alot of ink comparing him to Wayne Gretsky, who moved to the LA Kings because of his actress wife, Janet Jones. I think I speak for many Americans when I say that while I can't remember a single movie she's been in, I do recall her being in the news last year or so for her alleged involvement in some sort of gambling ring while also being involved with the Phoenix Coyotes, who her husband has an ownership stake in.
At least she didn't promise to sleep with the entire team if she lost a bet, as far as we know that is.
Anyway, while Becks is somewhere in between Kris Benson and Wayne Gretsky as far as his talent and significance goes, this is irrelevant here. What matters is that Anna Benson has historically been far more tabloid worthy than Janet Jones, and hence is more worthy of being compared to Posh, though Posh will almost certainly eclipse Anna in the tabloids unless Anna completely goes off the deep end, +/or finds another famous husband. I could go on, but this sort of explanation sort of kills the humor, doesn't it?
Meanwhile, I have discovered that a percentage of Mansion.com proceeds goes to support Tottenham Hotspur. I think I found this on a Mansion site, which is bad, because it could scare away Arsenal supporters, to say the least. For that matter, Liverpool and Man U might want to avoid doing anything that makes it possible for Spurs to afford Berbatov, since we know they will make repeated attempts to snatch him in the next 2 or 3 years. Liverpool probably already knows they can't afford to outspend United, just as Chelsea knows Spurs will never let Berbatov go to them or Arsenal. If they do they'll get some kind of Ruthian curse, and they'll deserve it too.
My own Mansion poker account balooned up to somewhere between $2200 and $2400, plummetted to a little over $400, and now is hovering around $1500. So I guess I'm supporting Spurs, at least until I return to the US. Mansion doesn't service American customers unless they are overseas. Meanwhile, I've cranked my FullTilt account up to $5677, which is the most I've had on any site since the year before I started this blog, when I had a little over $10,000 on PartyPoker.
What events need to transpire before we can congratulate David Beckham on becoming the Kris Benson of MLS?
Think of the following as the beginning of a top ten list.
Posh informs press that if Becks ever cheats on her she will sleep with the entire Galaxy (LA Galaxy--not the Milky Way Galaxy).
MLS concocts new stats in order to create fantasy soccer, in hopes that America's love of fantasy leagues will help to popularize MLS; would-be fans discover that Beckham has soccer equivalent of a 4.82 ERA.
Beckham develops the soccer equivalent of shoulder injury on pitching arm--misses entire season. What? You're not laughing? Me neither.
Angry Posh exclaims to press: "I can't believe they traded us to Real Salt Lake!!!"
Posh endorses obscure online casino, somehow doubling online gambling's sleaze quotient.
Posh gets her own reality TV show. What? She already has one? Maybe Anna Benson needs to move to England and get a reality show about that. This would confirm all their predjudices and bad opinions about us.
Now that I have exchanged a couple of Emails with one of the Manchester Uninted's (ick!)correspondants, there is an outside chance I will be deluged with letters from people who have no idea who Kris or Anna Benson are. While I am willing to answer your questions about who these people are, along with the various ways they have graced our tabloids, I encourage you to do a couple of searches on them and see what you can find. Trust me, if you don't laugh your ass off you will at least find some semi-attractive pix of Anna. (Opinion regarding her hotness seems to vary wildly--if you like what you see, keep looking and you will probably find nudes. I didn't, but I was just looking for material for my letter to the Sports Guy.
Beckham has been getting alot of ink comparing him to Wayne Gretsky, who moved to the LA Kings because of his actress wife, Janet Jones. I think I speak for many Americans when I say that while I can't remember a single movie she's been in, I do recall her being in the news last year or so for her alleged involvement in some sort of gambling ring while also being involved with the Phoenix Coyotes, who her husband has an ownership stake in.
At least she didn't promise to sleep with the entire team if she lost a bet, as far as we know that is.
Anyway, while Becks is somewhere in between Kris Benson and Wayne Gretsky as far as his talent and significance goes, this is irrelevant here. What matters is that Anna Benson has historically been far more tabloid worthy than Janet Jones, and hence is more worthy of being compared to Posh, though Posh will almost certainly eclipse Anna in the tabloids unless Anna completely goes off the deep end, +/or finds another famous husband. I could go on, but this sort of explanation sort of kills the humor, doesn't it?
Meanwhile, I have discovered that a percentage of Mansion.com proceeds goes to support Tottenham Hotspur. I think I found this on a Mansion site, which is bad, because it could scare away Arsenal supporters, to say the least. For that matter, Liverpool and Man U might want to avoid doing anything that makes it possible for Spurs to afford Berbatov, since we know they will make repeated attempts to snatch him in the next 2 or 3 years. Liverpool probably already knows they can't afford to outspend United, just as Chelsea knows Spurs will never let Berbatov go to them or Arsenal. If they do they'll get some kind of Ruthian curse, and they'll deserve it too.
My own Mansion poker account balooned up to somewhere between $2200 and $2400, plummetted to a little over $400, and now is hovering around $1500. So I guess I'm supporting Spurs, at least until I return to the US. Mansion doesn't service American customers unless they are overseas. Meanwhile, I've cranked my FullTilt account up to $5677, which is the most I've had on any site since the year before I started this blog, when I had a little over $10,000 on PartyPoker.
posted by roQQ | 6:24 AM
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