I Feel Dirty

It's Black Friday, and I briefly considered decending into the shopping maddness fray and hoping to get a deal on this electronic gadget my wife wants. The thing is, when you're not up on the latest news, not in the market, so to speak, the chance of getting a deal is roughly equivalent to the chance of getting hosed--if you're lucky. Maybe it's because I'm a cheap fuck, but I think I'd come out of the store feeling dirty afterwards, like I'd just banged a streetwalker, or I was back on the spike...

...like waking up breathing the stale tinge of recycled booze, with the itch of a freshly inked tatoo emerging from an unexpected expanse of flesh...

...like the feeling you get after jerking off to transvestite midget porn--again.

Like the feeling you get after you get wrapped up in the hype of the Alabama-Auburn game and lose your ass on the wrong team.

I'm staying away from AUBURN(+10.5)over alabama...if I can hold out for six more minutes.

On the other hand, I think I'm going to take notre dame(+10)over STANFORD. The Fighting Irish can send Charlie Weis off with some class by beating Stanford and finishing 7-5...or they can at least cover the spread.

The game has started, and Auburn just broke a long run for a score, 7-0.

Auburn just won an onside kick. Right now I wish I'd bet this game, but I don't feel dirty. Could be worse.

Will I feel dirty if I bet Notre Dame? After all, they are the hated rival of both of my schools. Now that Chaz Weis is getting the shaft, I sort of feel bad for him. Furthermore, I'd sort of like to see him succeed where ever he lands, as this would argue for Irish dysfunction, just as Cedric Benson and Kyle Orton indicate some degree of dysfunction on the Chicago Bears.