I cock-block Myself
I didn't post my picks for the past weekend, because I was sick. How sick?
I got a flat tire on my rental Impala on Friday, and didn't change it until Sunday. In other words, I was paying for two days of rental where I didn't drive because I felt too weak to change a tire.
Aside from watching Premiereship Football (aka Soccer), College Football, more Premiereship, Pro Football, some Rugby*, and some more NFL, and half of Season II of Dexter, my main activities included wondering if this is how it feels to have AIDS....or an oral herpes outbreak.
My symptoms have included a sore throat, fever, visibly swollen glands in my neck, and inflamed/bleeding gums, along with a mouth full of canker sores--hence the oral herpes comparison.
I went to the ER this morning to see WTF I have, though I am definitely improving. Based on the doctor's checks, which included inspecting for lesions around my groinal region, and questions, which included whether I had any history of immunodeficiency issues, I gather that this is what it feels like to have herpes or the HIV. So I have that going for me, my accurate guess, that is. On the other hand, the above has probably effectively cock-blocked me with any hypothetical female readers for the near future....other than psycho-meth-whores like Dexter's sponsor, perhaps.
Speaking of accurate guesses, my NFL picks were carolina(-9.5)over OAKLAND and
nygiants(+3)over PHILADELPHIA, both of which came through for me. I bet both of them as soon as I saw the lines, back on Tuesday or so. I expected the Giants line to drop to a pick or so, in which case I may have gone for a middle. Never happened. The line stayed at 3, while the vig flux indicates money came in on the Giants, followed by $$ on the Eagles. Carolina's line did go to ten, however.
Carolina won, 17-6, despite Jake Delhomme going 7 for 27 with four picks. The last time anybody threw so many interceptions, and so few completions and won was Ken Anderson in 1975, also over the Raiders. (Nobody has mentioned the last time a 10 point favorite did this and covered....the Bengals won that '75 game, 14-10, and I have no idea if they covered. Good chance the Raiders were favored back then, so probably.) Given that the Raiders had three first downs last week, I think it is safe to say that they are becoming historically bad. In fact, all you geniuses who insist on putting the Detroit Lions at the bottom of your power ratings may want to wake up. The Lions have been losing close games, and should be 31st, or maybe even 30th. What's the point of power ratings if they just mirror the standings? Tell me something I don't know. Power ratings should tell who is playing best (or worst) right now....That's why I have no problem with putting the Giants over the Titans. I have a problem with reflexively putting the Titans on top just because the Giants lost a game. I put the Titans ahead of the Giants right now because of the sloppiness the Giants exhibited Sunday night. Look for ex-BC coach Tom Coughlin to remedy this in the weeks to come...and since it was for the 6th time in a row BC beat Notre Dame, I'll only mention the score, 17-0.
It also helps that Pugilant Mick refrained to call me and ramble psychotically about how he hates Boston College. He did this a couple of weeks ago for MSU, and we whooped on the Irish back in week 3. I'm sure he'll deliver a good rant if I bring up the score. (17-0) Or the streak (Six in a row.) They even made the AFLAC trivia question during the game who had the longest winning streak vs Notre Dame in history. I think it was MSU, back in the '50's or '60's.
Back to the Giants game. They won 36-31. My biggest fear was that Philly would score with 3:00 or so to go, then elect to go for two, so the Giants couldn't win with a field goal. As a handicapper, I was fine with the Giants losing by two. I'd also be okay with them losing a couple of times, though it is probably too late to disguise them. Something drastic will have to happen for them to be seen as anything other than the dominant team in the NFC. Eli will have to break a pinkie, or the Cardinals will have to learn to play defense. Yes, that kind of drastic.
On the other hand, how many times did the Giants fumble? How many times did they lose the ball after the runner was down? These are not hypothetical questions. I lost count. I know Giant running backs were ruled down before a fumble on consecutive plays on one 4th quarter drive. They also won a critical replay challenge, while the Eagles lost two of them. I'm not saying any of these were bad calls, but an awful lot of breaks went against the Eagles. Kind of like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia. Maybe not. I've never seen the flick, but I've seen a ton of ads for it the last couple of months. Maybe Karl Rove found a new way to get out the queer-bashing vote, not that he'd need to with the number of states with gay marriage on the ballot this year. You'd think they coulda laid low until Obama got elected, rather than risk fouling his chances. There were so many states trying to legalize gay marriage it was starting to freak me out. I felt like I was hopped up on Sarah Palin's medication, minus the valium.
Speaking of which, I figured the only way we'd have her around to mock for the next four years was if John McCain won, but apparently she has deluded herself into thinking she is the future of the Republican Party. Deluded, that is, unless enough like-minded people decide to support her, which they just might. After all, Dan Quayle ran for President in '96. I'd rate her chances at the nomination as at least double his. Of course he didin't have a snowball's chance in hell....maybe triple his. Not sure who her competition is....If the Republicans can't come up with anybody better I may just become a registered Democrat...(shudder). Maybe she is Hillary's legacy. If she turns into our dippy version of Margaret Thatcher I'd say Hillary is at least 2/3 responsible.
John McCain would be 1/3 responsible, just like he's about 1/3 responsible for everything he does these days.** Sarah is like a combination of Dan Quayle, Ross Perot, and Brooke Shields. Can she win? Not in a Routon. Maybe in a Mustang....she could be re-branded as "the Mustang Candidate," now that Maverick has been beat into the ground. Is it just me, or are these
IQ-Quiz things everywhere? Everywhere online, at least. Thanks to them, I know that Terrell Owens is smarter than Sarah Palin. On the other hand, she is smarter than the average "West Virginia Mountaineer," which may explain their result this weekend (see below). I assume they mean the WVA football team, as opposed to a composite of hillbillies--or mountainbillies. I didn't choose them to compare to Sarah because she is a hillbilly, the Mountaineers are just who you get at the bottom when you check college football scores.
The last time I took an IQ test online I missed one question, and that was because the screen resolution made a rectangle look like a square. (I checked on a different computer to make sure it was the computer and not me....) So I'm pretty confident I'm smarter than Sarah Palin. And Terrell Owens.
I just checked my bet history, and apparantly I never took West Virginia(-7) over Cincinnati. Good. Cincy won, 26-23. I got that pick from Accuscore's Zach Rosenfeld. I wasn't crazy about his other picks, and was too sick to get motivated about any of them....Tex Tech whooped Okla State. I know Zach liked Tech, but I don't remember if he made them one of his picks. Whatever. I guess I went 2-0 this week! On the other hand, I have been diagnosed with hand, foot and mouth disease, which sounds only marginally better than snagging the hiv.
Now that I'm a suspected AIDS victim, I recon I ought to clarify my stance on Gay Marriage, or on Gay rights more generally. Basically, I think Gays have taken the place previously held by Jews, before the holocaust led to the push of anti-semitism to the margins of society. As such they deserve some sympathy. Even if you don't like the idea of them getting married, I don't think they deserve to be singled out in the language of state constitutions. They are already singled out.
The ancient Greeks believed that the health of the state depended to at least some extent on catharsis, which could be brought about through viewing tragedies, or by running somebody out of town once a year. Apparantly this worked for them, as it did for the hippie pagans in The Wicker Man. Small consolation if you're Nicholas Cage. My health currently depends on catharsis as well, so I've been prescribed something to gargle whose active ingredient is lydocaine (I think) which should make it near-impossible for me to speak. I'll probably still be able to type, however. Lucky you.
While fact-checking for the BC-ND result, I just discovered that "the average Boston College Eagles fan's IQ is 124. Now they're just making shit up. Now I doubt all these celebs even took their stupid test. I hope their marketing fails spectacularly. Given Karl Rove's past successes, it probably won't though.
*My 19-month-old son seems to have programmed my DirecTV to record every rugby game that comes on. I don't know how he did it, but neither does he. He's like that kid in the E*Trade ads, only he doesn't throw up. (The E*Trade kid is cast as too old to burp up milk on a regular basis, for whatever it's worth.)
**I suppose our shallow, herd-like, celebrity-driven culture is largely to blame as well.
I got a flat tire on my rental Impala on Friday, and didn't change it until Sunday. In other words, I was paying for two days of rental where I didn't drive because I felt too weak to change a tire.
Aside from watching Premiereship Football (aka Soccer), College Football, more Premiereship, Pro Football, some Rugby*, and some more NFL, and half of Season II of Dexter, my main activities included wondering if this is how it feels to have AIDS....or an oral herpes outbreak.
My symptoms have included a sore throat, fever, visibly swollen glands in my neck, and inflamed/bleeding gums, along with a mouth full of canker sores--hence the oral herpes comparison.
I went to the ER this morning to see WTF I have, though I am definitely improving. Based on the doctor's checks, which included inspecting for lesions around my groinal region, and questions, which included whether I had any history of immunodeficiency issues, I gather that this is what it feels like to have herpes or the HIV. So I have that going for me, my accurate guess, that is. On the other hand, the above has probably effectively cock-blocked me with any hypothetical female readers for the near future....other than psycho-meth-whores like Dexter's sponsor, perhaps.
Speaking of accurate guesses, my NFL picks were carolina(-9.5)over OAKLAND and
nygiants(+3)over PHILADELPHIA, both of which came through for me. I bet both of them as soon as I saw the lines, back on Tuesday or so. I expected the Giants line to drop to a pick or so, in which case I may have gone for a middle. Never happened. The line stayed at 3, while the vig flux indicates money came in on the Giants, followed by $$ on the Eagles. Carolina's line did go to ten, however.
Carolina won, 17-6, despite Jake Delhomme going 7 for 27 with four picks. The last time anybody threw so many interceptions, and so few completions and won was Ken Anderson in 1975, also over the Raiders. (Nobody has mentioned the last time a 10 point favorite did this and covered....the Bengals won that '75 game, 14-10, and I have no idea if they covered. Good chance the Raiders were favored back then, so probably.) Given that the Raiders had three first downs last week, I think it is safe to say that they are becoming historically bad. In fact, all you geniuses who insist on putting the Detroit Lions at the bottom of your power ratings may want to wake up. The Lions have been losing close games, and should be 31st, or maybe even 30th. What's the point of power ratings if they just mirror the standings? Tell me something I don't know. Power ratings should tell who is playing best (or worst) right now....That's why I have no problem with putting the Giants over the Titans. I have a problem with reflexively putting the Titans on top just because the Giants lost a game. I put the Titans ahead of the Giants right now because of the sloppiness the Giants exhibited Sunday night. Look for ex-BC coach Tom Coughlin to remedy this in the weeks to come...and since it was for the 6th time in a row BC beat Notre Dame, I'll only mention the score, 17-0.
It also helps that Pugilant Mick refrained to call me and ramble psychotically about how he hates Boston College. He did this a couple of weeks ago for MSU, and we whooped on the Irish back in week 3. I'm sure he'll deliver a good rant if I bring up the score. (17-0) Or the streak (Six in a row.) They even made the AFLAC trivia question during the game who had the longest winning streak vs Notre Dame in history. I think it was MSU, back in the '50's or '60's.
Back to the Giants game. They won 36-31. My biggest fear was that Philly would score with 3:00 or so to go, then elect to go for two, so the Giants couldn't win with a field goal. As a handicapper, I was fine with the Giants losing by two. I'd also be okay with them losing a couple of times, though it is probably too late to disguise them. Something drastic will have to happen for them to be seen as anything other than the dominant team in the NFC. Eli will have to break a pinkie, or the Cardinals will have to learn to play defense. Yes, that kind of drastic.
On the other hand, how many times did the Giants fumble? How many times did they lose the ball after the runner was down? These are not hypothetical questions. I lost count. I know Giant running backs were ruled down before a fumble on consecutive plays on one 4th quarter drive. They also won a critical replay challenge, while the Eagles lost two of them. I'm not saying any of these were bad calls, but an awful lot of breaks went against the Eagles. Kind of like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia. Maybe not. I've never seen the flick, but I've seen a ton of ads for it the last couple of months. Maybe Karl Rove found a new way to get out the queer-bashing vote, not that he'd need to with the number of states with gay marriage on the ballot this year. You'd think they coulda laid low until Obama got elected, rather than risk fouling his chances. There were so many states trying to legalize gay marriage it was starting to freak me out. I felt like I was hopped up on Sarah Palin's medication, minus the valium.
Speaking of which, I figured the only way we'd have her around to mock for the next four years was if John McCain won, but apparently she has deluded herself into thinking she is the future of the Republican Party. Deluded, that is, unless enough like-minded people decide to support her, which they just might. After all, Dan Quayle ran for President in '96. I'd rate her chances at the nomination as at least double his. Of course he didin't have a snowball's chance in hell....maybe triple his. Not sure who her competition is....If the Republicans can't come up with anybody better I may just become a registered Democrat...(shudder). Maybe she is Hillary's legacy. If she turns into our dippy version of Margaret Thatcher I'd say Hillary is at least 2/3 responsible.
John McCain would be 1/3 responsible, just like he's about 1/3 responsible for everything he does these days.** Sarah is like a combination of Dan Quayle, Ross Perot, and Brooke Shields. Can she win? Not in a Routon. Maybe in a Mustang....she could be re-branded as "the Mustang Candidate," now that Maverick has been beat into the ground. Is it just me, or are these
IQ-Quiz things everywhere? Everywhere online, at least. Thanks to them, I know that Terrell Owens is smarter than Sarah Palin. On the other hand, she is smarter than the average "West Virginia Mountaineer," which may explain their result this weekend (see below). I assume they mean the WVA football team, as opposed to a composite of hillbillies--or mountainbillies. I didn't choose them to compare to Sarah because she is a hillbilly, the Mountaineers are just who you get at the bottom when you check college football scores.
The last time I took an IQ test online I missed one question, and that was because the screen resolution made a rectangle look like a square. (I checked on a different computer to make sure it was the computer and not me....) So I'm pretty confident I'm smarter than Sarah Palin. And Terrell Owens.
I just checked my bet history, and apparantly I never took West Virginia(-7) over Cincinnati. Good. Cincy won, 26-23. I got that pick from Accuscore's Zach Rosenfeld. I wasn't crazy about his other picks, and was too sick to get motivated about any of them....Tex Tech whooped Okla State. I know Zach liked Tech, but I don't remember if he made them one of his picks. Whatever. I guess I went 2-0 this week! On the other hand, I have been diagnosed with hand, foot and mouth disease, which sounds only marginally better than snagging the hiv.
Now that I'm a suspected AIDS victim, I recon I ought to clarify my stance on Gay Marriage, or on Gay rights more generally. Basically, I think Gays have taken the place previously held by Jews, before the holocaust led to the push of anti-semitism to the margins of society. As such they deserve some sympathy. Even if you don't like the idea of them getting married, I don't think they deserve to be singled out in the language of state constitutions. They are already singled out.
The ancient Greeks believed that the health of the state depended to at least some extent on catharsis, which could be brought about through viewing tragedies, or by running somebody out of town once a year. Apparantly this worked for them, as it did for the hippie pagans in The Wicker Man. Small consolation if you're Nicholas Cage. My health currently depends on catharsis as well, so I've been prescribed something to gargle whose active ingredient is lydocaine (I think) which should make it near-impossible for me to speak. I'll probably still be able to type, however. Lucky you.
While fact-checking for the BC-ND result, I just discovered that "the average Boston College Eagles fan's IQ is 124. Now they're just making shit up. Now I doubt all these celebs even took their stupid test. I hope their marketing fails spectacularly. Given Karl Rove's past successes, it probably won't though.
*My 19-month-old son seems to have programmed my DirecTV to record every rugby game that comes on. I don't know how he did it, but neither does he. He's like that kid in the E*Trade ads, only he doesn't throw up. (The E*Trade kid is cast as too old to burp up milk on a regular basis, for whatever it's worth.)
**I suppose our shallow, herd-like, celebrity-driven culture is largely to blame as well.
posted by roQQ | 8:20 AM
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